September 26, 2023

Dear past me,

I am now going to therapy and I’m finally safe. I know life was hard for you, with my mother and everything. But I wrote this letter to let you know that you’re okay. You’re going to survive. I know there were moments where you felt like this horrible feeling will last forever. It won’t. Your mom can’t hurt you anymore. Strangers on the internet can’t hurt you anymore. Your dad is improving and I’m genuinely so happy that he is. I know you feel hopeless and worthless and you just want to sleep forever, but you’re okay. I’m not living with my mom anymore. I’m so sorry you had to live through all of that verbal and physical abuse. I’m so sorry. You felt like you were worth nothing if you didn’t make her happy. I’ve been there. And I’m so sorry you hated yourself and almost wanted to die. I’m so sorry your mother hit you and shouted at you. I’m sorry she touched you in ways that made you uncomfortable. I’m so sorry that people on the internet told you that death is the solution. And you actually considered it. You were just 10! After your 10th birthday, life was horrible for another 1 and a half years. You should’ve been worrying about 5th grader things! Not death. Not making your mother proud. Not your mom and dad arguing. Not seeing your sisters again. Not eating too much. You should’ve been happier. You will be happier later. I’m sorry for hurting you. I love you. And I always will.

Love, me
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