"More than a stunning debut. It is the announcement of a bold new literary voice"
—Stephen Chbosky, author of The Perks of Being a Wallflower

I grew up believing that I was an only child and was lonely because of it. I had our cousins but it just was not the same. I always have been envious of people with their siblings; them playing outside together and just having that bond that only siblings can have. I will never have nieces and nephews or someone to help me when our parents become ill. My children will never have aunts or uncles. And the worst part is, I will be alone after Mom and Dad die. I know this all sounds depressing and it wasn’t your fault that this all happened but I think of it all the time. I can remember Mom being depressed and she came crying to me one night while I was in bed and telling me that she needed to go to the ER. But I didn’t know why she had to go. When I got older, I found out about you three; that you all had died before you could be born and it saddened me. (It still does) I am the only child that survived for Mom and Dad and I am really trying to make them proud ... Read more

You’re gone and part of me is gone with you. You ceased to exist and happy life stopped forever. I just don’t know what I should do. I was devastated. All in this life doesn’t matter anymore. Important is only fact that you are dead. I can’t live without you, brother. No one is to blame for your death. Only God. I just can’t trust him! How i can trust him if he took you? Cancer… You were Augustus Waters, you know? You know, we thought the cancer receded. And I believed that you were coming to see me soon. But you died. I remember that night, remember Dima’s crying, remember hurt. Pain … Now it haunts me. I cry every day, unable to believe that you had ceased to exist. You were 20. And you didn’t have time to live. But I know you are with me. I feel you. Take good care of us. With everlasting love.

You were in my life for a short amount of time. Sometimes I sit and wonder what kind of man you would have turned out to be. It must have been so hard going through so much pain at such a young age. I was only two years old when you passed away but every time I come back to put flowers on your grave I find myself crying. I cry for what I didn’t get to say to you, all the birthdays you never had, the first date you never got to go on, the laughter we would have had together. But I know if you were still here I would be so proud of you. You’re in a better place now and you aren’t in pain anymore. I will always love you buddy!!

The world was terrible to you. In some ways i understood why you wanted to leave this world. Though, in even more ways, i think you were a jerk to be so selfish to leave. We were in love. You kept promising you would come see me in person but you never did.. you were scared, and to be honest so was i. But that doesn’t excuse why you did that and why you left me. Its been a year and the wound you left is still open and agonizingly painful. Your brother blamed it on me.. and so did i. Did you ever think about that? Did you ever consider that i was hurting at the time too? You thought that id be happier with you out of my life. But you were WRONG. I loved you so much, you had my heart and i had yours. I forgive you and ill never forget you, your on my mind constantly and in my dreams at night. You left my life but you wont leave my mind.

Its been over a year since you been gone , but you are a loving father and a loving friend we will always miss you in our hearts. Paul we cared and still care so much about you. You will never be forgotten Paul

It’s been 60 years since you left us . Everyone knows you As the “Rebel” but in Reality you was more than just a “Rebel” You was a human with 1000 Personality’s . You had just 3 Movies and Was already a Star . It didn’t took you even a year . We will never forget you Jimmy

`I know your not dead, but at the same time it feels like it. Whenever I see you, your drunk. Your drowning sorrow and it hurts me.

I cant talk to mom about it because she has somethings that scare me. Shes abusive now dad, phsycally and mentally. I feel so alone right now and Im having the ‘thoughts’. You know what I mean dad. It feels like ylur dead the guy I was proud to call dad is now drowned with sorrow. Please just please come back.

Please

I know you’re not dead but to me it seems like u don’t exist anymore. Which is sad because once you mean the world to me and i thought I was yours.

I want to thank you for the great times we had and all the experiences. You were my first love and a part of me will always remember that. I regret that we had to go apart like this and that there are these awkward moments of silence when we meet.

I wish you all the best and hope that your new girl can give you all the things i couldn’t give to you and that you are happy. You deserve the best and I am sorry I wasn’t enough. Love

It’s almost been a year since you left now. Almost a year of falling down an increasingly darker black hole. I miss you more than most people understand and I’m sorry for being a shitty friend at times. I wish you had a longer time here. You were barely a teenager. If I could see you one last time I would give you the biggest hug and ask what the hell was going through your head. This world isn’t such a bad place, especially not for someone like you. I hope you wound up somewhere even better though, somewhere I’ll be able to meet you again someday. Thanks for the laughs and for being you. I couldn’t have asked for a better person to know.

Hi, E. I know you’re not dead but I just can’t say this in front of your face. So here it goes.

E, I kind of hate you. You’re the reason why Z and i got to talk to each other. You said to him that I am a love expert even if I only had one boyfriend and one not-so-sad-and-painful break up.

I can’t say to you that I love Z because we’re both friends with A. So I decided to keep it but I couldn’t. I feel like I’m about to explode. It’s like my memory lane and heart are already full and both of it want to let out some of my memories, secrets, and feelings.

You don’t know this book and you don’t know about this site so I took the advantage and I wrote my feelings here. I wrote my whole story with Z below. You can read it if somehow you landed in this site or if somebody told you about this awesome book.

So, E. This feeling for Z is one of my dark and deepest secrets. And I hope that if you read this, you’ll understand me.

I love you, sweetheart.