"More than a stunning debut. It is the announcement of a bold new literary voice"
—Stephen Chbosky, author of The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Even though you are not dead, I still want to write this love letter to you and it doesn’t matter even if you won’t able to read it.

Z, when we were young I promised myself that I would never have a crush on you or any feelings higher than friendship. You’re short and you didn’t even passed my height, you’re awfully quiet, and most of all you’re in love with my best friend, A. I was happy because I get to know you on 8th grade and even though I am so intimated to you, I managed to sit down next to you.

We laughed, talked about friends and the new teachers, do each other’s favors, sing if requested and sometimes you’ll show me magic tricks on your magic black cards you got from the Internet. On 10th grade our one year friendship grew apart. you were with the boys and of course I was with my clique. By the end of the school year, your best friend (which happens to be my close friend too) told me that you wanted to break up with my other best friend, C. You asked me for advice ’cause you didn’t ... Read more

Well old me, Me and you have came a long way through changing our look and our self to feel a better person. To feel more you, we’ve had our challenging moments where we thought we wouldn’t make it . We did though

Now, we our engaged, in the right type of school to finish fast not harming our self feeling more like the person inside us

I hope you’re up there watching me, ’cause I know that you would be proud of me and of what I’ve achieved but most of all of who I’ve become and of the fact that I found love, the love of my life. You would have wanted that for me.

You have been gone for more than 15 years, and I don’t think of you every day, but when I do, I miss you, but I think good thoughts about you. You taught me a lot about being human, being nice to others and proud of myself. Never to let stupid people bring me down. You were always good to me, but you also always spoke your mind, and sometimes it hurt me or made me mad, but afterwards it always made sense what you had said, and I had to admit, that you were right.

I was living in another country most of the time while you were ill. And when you were dying I tried to make it home, I really did, but I was to late, only a few hours, but I was late, I’m so sorry. I never got to say goodbye and it still haunts ... Read more

You left. And I don’t know but this is probably the only time where I’m glad someone has left my life. You weren’t someone I’m proud to be, but I’m glad you were a part of me you know?

You changed me in more ways than one. You made me realize that sometimes, it’s okay, it’s okay to feel alone. Because that way, you really know who you’re having a war with.

I’m glad i defeated you, I’m happier now that you’re gone. Don’t come back, but thank you for the lessons you’ve taught me. I’ll always remember them.

Today is 6 years since you left us. It’s been 2,190 days of me waiting for your return. I’ve watched the door quite a bit since then, convinced that I can will you to open it and grace us with your presence. But you never do. My soul still aches for you, and often I am overwhelmed by the guilt. Obligatory tasks push me through the day and lead my mind elsewhere… Maybe it’s better that way. I still cry when I think about all the ends that will never meet. You took so many pieces when you left for your journey; just like you, they’ve yet to return. Things like dad’s sobriety, and mom’s sanity. I’m sure parts of me are missing too. You’re the only thing I write about anymore, so I guess I lost my inspiration. You just don’t think about all the things that die with a loved one. You were loved so entirely as a son, a brother, and a friend- So intertwined in all of our lives that it makes sense you took those parts with you. Maybe you took them as trinkets, something to soothe your soul on the days that it ... Read more

When it was announces that you where gone, I was at a barbeque with my family, when I saw it in the paper that was sat on the table, I fell to the floor and cried. You had always been an inspiration to me because your songs had a message most other songs don’t convey. When I had a bad day I listened to your songs… I still do, its like your in the took with me, its comforting to know that I’m not the only one that goes through pain. Your songs are like a hug, from you, even though your not actually there. The fact that I meet you, when I was 9 was a big factor to the fact that I was emotianly attached to eeachand every one of your songs. I wish you hadn’t gone.

You are gone for seven years now. I can’t believe it. But it’s life.

Grandfather, apapa: I believe that you can see me from where you are, somewhere in the sky. And I hope you are proud of me, despite my many mistakes.

I don’t know what to say. Just that I love you and that I hope you are waiting for me, when my time comes.

I miss you. We all miss you.

Your granddaughter.

I never listened to to much of your music but when i do it’s with my brother. He loves you and the rest of the grateful dead. Anyways, you always seemed to find a way to do what you love to do. Play guitar, even with half of your middle finger cut off you still managed to be a legend to this very day. I think that no matter how old you got people couldn’t see that you knew what you wanted to do in life, play music. Maybe you thought that the only way to show them was to disobey the rules. You did that very well, I read that your mom sent you to the US army but you just went “AWOL” and didn’t show up for role call. Even in a place as serious as that you wanted to do what you loved no matter what it took. I admire that. i may be way to young to understand these types of things but i feel like I know stuff that people don’t know about me. That I have a voice I’m not showing, like I’m not showing what I really am what i really want. Life ... Read more

Everyone around you thought you were a fighter, but they never seemed to see the war that went on in your head. They thought you were an angel, they said they loved you. But we both know the truth, you were stepped on countless time, you were the shoulder that everyone cried on. And now you shed no more tears. You’re a lost soul, i’m not sure whether you’re dead yet or not, but i can no longer see. I don’t know whether that’s because you left or if it’s because i don’t try hard enough to find you. But all i know is that the day we meet again, you will look at me. you will look at the destruction i have become as i try cover the scars on my arms. And finally i know that the day that we meet will be the day we’re in the same place, because at that moment we’ll both be alive through our death.

Sinto sua falta. Todos aqui sentem. Amo você, está se divertindo aí? Parou de sentir dores?

Obrigada por falar de mim pra sua mãe é bem gentil da sua parte e acho que somos amigas.

Espero ainda ser sua maninha.