"More than a stunning debut. It is the announcement of a bold new literary voice"
—Stephen Chbosky, author of The Perks of Being a Wallflower

since I read the book I started listening to your music. I started to love your music and I started to like you as a person. It is 21 years ago by now. This whole week I was wondering what you thought before you… killed yourself. I mean, you died before I was even born but it’s like I can feel a connection. I fight suicidal thoughts and I can’t stop thinking about how I could kill myself, but you really helped me, Kurt. I mean, I can’t kill myself, because I need to know what’s happening after that. On earth. With all the people I loved. And I don’t talk about their reaction of my death. I talk about that you will never see Frances as the beautiful woman she is. You will never meet her fiance. You’ll never see Dave on a foo fighters concert. I didn’t want to write this letter here, but I had to. I just can’t stand the fact that no one writes you on April 5th. Your last words on your suicide note were: “It’s better to burn out than to fade away.” But your fire still burns, Kurt.

I’m thinking about you all day today. You probably know why, right? It’s the 5th of April. A sad day. I’m also all day long on instagram reading and liking post from your fans who remembered this day and took a moment to remember you, to whrite you a tribute. I read so many of them and all were so beautiful, all were special. I think that’s why I can’t stop thinking about you..I’m amazed how many people still after 21 years remember you, miss you, wish you were still here. To how many of them you represent hope and help them through every day. Can you imagine that, Kurt? And you’re not even here. Like in real. You’re not even here, your body is not here, but yet you’re saving lives. That’s big Kurt. Some people are alive and can’t save lives. You amaze me so much you know. The depth of your soul amazes me, your personality amazes me, your being just amazes me. You are such and incredible human being. I find so much strength in you and I didn’t even meet you. I was born the year you died. But yet you mean so ... Read more

You just passed away for like one month ago . I still couldn’t believe , or in myself i don’t want to believe . I just couldn’t accept the fact that your are gone in this world . I will never see you anymore . I don’t know what the real cause of your death , i read on facebook you died with the typhoid fever , and they also said you had a mental problem . But i guess those are just rumours , or maybe if that’s true , i guess you still have a chance to get well . The doctors knows how to treat those kind of sickness , but then i don’t know what happen , i don’t know the whole story , and the real cause of your death . I just wish i was with you in your hard time , i just wish i did something to help you , but then i didn’t know that you got sick , and hospitalized . It was too late , i just got a news from your facebook that your dead , ... Read more

I remembered you when you were young , you always weak and get sick easily . You are my favorite sister actually , you were nice , and sweet , caring , and not afraid of showing your love to all of us . You left us when i was 5 years old , because you move with our grandma . I don’t know the reason why go with her , maybe because mom can’t take care of you anymore when you get sick , because she has a lot of children to take good care of , and she can’t do a thing at the same time . I’ve misses you a lot , and i’m wondering when you coming home , because i’m always waiting for you . Time flies by , but you’ll never come home yet . We moved several places already because Dad can’t find a proper job . I don’t like moving in other places , because i’m too scared of , what if you’ll come home you won’t be able to find us in our old house anymore? , i’m too ... Read more

I remembered you when you were young , you always weak and get sick easily . You are my favorite sister actually , you were nice , and sweet , caring , and not afraid of showing your love to all of us . You left us when i was 5 years old , because you move with our grandma . I don’t know the reason why go with her , maybe because mom can’t take care of you anymore when you get sick , because she has a lot of children to take good care of , and she can’t do a thing at the same time . I’ve misses you a lot , and i’m wondering when you coming home , because i’m always waiting for you . Time flies by , but you’ll never come home yet . We moved several places already because Dad can’t find a proper job . I don’t like moving in other places , because i’m too scared of , what if you’ll come home you won’t be able to find us in our old house anymore? , i’m too ... Read more

I know that you’re in a better place. I know that maybe you are a happy boy. But I’m still here, and I miss you. I really miss you. I miss you, little brother. I don’t know how to continue without you, you were my life, my reason for being here. I just want to know if you’re somewhere out there, and if you’ll be waiting out there, for me. How could you leave me this way? Now, I have anyone in this world, I need you.

I know you are technically not dead. But the dad I knew is. And that’s the only dad I ever had so I’m writing this letter to him in hopes that he might get this message through to you somehow. Daddy(that’s what I’ll call my REAL dad), I miss you. You were my hero. Literally. Seeing you was always what I looked forward to. I didn’t get to see you much the first nine years of my life, but whenever I did, I had the best time. I thought you did too. Now, I’m not so sure. Then you moved back here and I thought that I could finally have a happy, full (if somewhat dysfunctional) family. Then you met your new wife and everything changed. You started to not care about me. And I didn’t know what to do about that so I guess I shut down and pretended everything was fine and we see where that got me. I’m depressed and I think I might be suicidal too. You’ve done this to me. My daddy wouldn’t have let that happen to me. I was his favorite person in the world. He knew what to do to make me ... Read more

How are you? I hope that you are fine. As I mentioned to you in the previous letter, many years of absence stood against my desire to be with you. Things came suddenly and without expectations. You have been my hope and you have created in me a new zest for confidence and drive. I have convinced myself that all things I would achieve came from your behalf. What made a person or any human being in the earth stretch himself and pour the sweat of his toil if in his path there would not have been a beautiful and lovely woman like you? I could not deny the fact that my future plans were in the approval of deserving your happiness and satisfying yourself. I imagined you the woman my heart would love and that I poured at her feet my strong affection. The woman, – to whom I could be a true friend and a sincere lover. What made a person who loves extremely a girl and to whom he was not remorsefully recalling for pardon because he expressed his feeling towards her impulsively, if there would not have been those futile traditions of societies and the blind conformance of people to the ... Read more

How are you? I hope that you are fine. As I mentioned to you in the previous letter, many years of absence stood against my desire to be with you. Things came suddenly and without expectations. You have been my hope and you have created in me a new zest for confidence and drive. I have convinced myself that all things I would achieve came from your behalf. What made a person or any human being in the earth stretch himself and pour the sweat of his toil if in his path there would not have been a beautiful and lovely woman like you? I could not deny the fact that my future plans were in the approval of deserving your happiness and satisfying yourself. I imagined you the woman my heart would love and that I poured at her feet my strong affection. The woman, – to whom I could be a true friend and a sincere lover. What made a person who loves extremely a girl and to whom he was not remorsefully recalling for pardon because he expressed his feeling towards her impulsively, if there would not have been those futile traditions of societies and the blind conformance of people to the ... Read more

Sei que encho o saco e deve ser chato não entender nada das minha cartas, já que você não fala português mas parece que apenas você pode me entender agora.

Estava ouvindo Silver e, não sei porque, lembrei da sua esposa (ela está bonita ainda e sua filha é uma modelo gatona que qualquer marmanjo pegaria, se quer saber) e pensei se você havia pensado nela antes de morrer. Você acha que ela é mais feliz sem você agora? Não, ela não é. Mas não quero te julgar, Kurt, na moral. Eu queria perguntar se você pensava que ela estava te salvando ou coisa do tipo.

Vou te explicar melhor.

Estou lendo um livro e o personagem disse pra mocinha que ele não se tocara que estava perdido até que ela o encontrou e que ela o salvara. E eu mesma já disse isso pro meu namorado, que ele me salvara de mim mesma. Mas, cá entre nós, Kurt, ele não em salvou e sua esposa também não, a prova disso é que você está morto e eu estou quase lá também.

As vezes parece que nem respirando eu estou, apenas ando, sorrio, como e durmo e todos assim acham que estou bem, mas ... Read more