"More than a stunning debut. It is the announcement of a bold new literary voice"
—Stephen Chbosky, author of The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Eu sei que você não fala português, pede para alguém traduzir por favor. Sei também que você não lerá isso, mas me ensinaram a acreditar em pelo menos 6 coisas impossíveis todos os dias, uma delas é que essa carta chegará em suas mãos. Li muito a respeito de você, queria ter ido em algum de seus shows e me sentir parte da sua dor, queria ter te conhecido, te abraçado. Você ganhou tudo, ganhou admiradores, ganhou amigos, ganhou pessoas que te amam, ganhou uma família (e, só entre nós, eu sei bem como é ter a “família” que você tinha). Eu queria ter tido metade do que você teve, queria poder ter sido vista, amada, ou algo do tipo. Acho que a falta de costume com isso te enlouqueceu, fico me perguntando se me enlouqueceria também. Você é a pessoa mais corajosa que conheço e acho que a única pessoa que pode me entender! Eu me sinto como você, Kurt, queria que houvesse outra solução para almas como as nossas, pois quero lhe encontrar, mas não agora. Aprenderei inglês e irei atrás de você, pra debatermos coisas boas, escrevermos canções (eu quero ser escritora) e fazer qualquer outra coisa divertida que tem ... Read more

I am really scared. I don´t know what I am going to do. I just wish you could come and tell me what will happen next. I know that I will get there eventually, but what if I don´t like the answer? I really want to go to where you are. I don´t want to go, but I am dying to leave these place. The only think that I can do, is listen to music. Our music. I know that Freddie Mercury won´tcome to carry me away to where I should be, but for know it really helps me escape the reality of waiting. The first thing that I think of when I wake up is “What if today is the day I leave?” “Will I really get out, or will they leave me hanging here?” I really hope that you got out of here, and if you didn´t, please don´t be sad. I promess you that we will get up and get over it. We will have new dreams and hopes. Please, take care of you. Be unique, like always.

I am eighteen years old, and so far, I have hardly had anyone who it would literally kill me to lose. Until recently. Selfishly, I hope to go first, so I never have to feel the pain of losing him, losing everything I have, the everything that saved me…But I cannot wish that. I cannot with anything. Only accept whatever fate befalls us. We are both so very young and so very sad inside, but we make the other feel the sadness less. It can never be forgotten, of course, but we don’t have to remember it as often.

He always falls asleep at night before I do, because I hardly sleep more than a couple hours a night. I am happy when he sleeps, though he feels bad about my not sleeping. I tell him not to worry. I watch him, when my eyes have adjusted to the darkness. I place my left hand over his heart and feel the beats. I feel the rise and fall of his chest. I see a crooked smile that lingers at the corner of his mouth, and that is the one thing that makes me think that maybe I do make him happier. Maybe. ... Read more

They never really gave you a name because you were never really born so, I call you peanut (cause you looked like a peanut in your sonograms). We don’t really talk about you that much only when its the day your were supposed to be born but there is nothing much to say so we just put our name on a balloon and let it go. Your mom really misses you. You would’ve been her first of many children but sadly you were her last. She cant have anymore babies because of the way you were growing. You were tearing her uterus. I feel bad because i’m wasting a life that someone could of used like you. I would triad places with you in a heart beat if it meant that you could at least feel some kind of emotion other than pain. I will love you forever.

Wow, this is strange, I guess I’ve always wanted to meet you and this is the closest thing to that I guess. I wish that you hadn’t of died (at least when you did) because my Nan and my mom always tell me such wonderful things about you, they always say that we’d of loved each other. Sometimes I feel like you’re there, watching over me, and even though I never did meet you as you died so young I still know it’s you protecting me, and that it always will be. I really do feel like I know you that a part of you is within me. I don’t know why I feel this way but I most definitely do. I’d never tell anyone this though. I wish that you were here. And I hope that you can see me and that you know how much I love you. I truly do love you Biddy. <3

You were the age I am now when you died. Did you think the same thoughts I do now? Did you wonder why you still don’t feel like a grown up? You had a husband and two children. You died on your youngest child’s birthday. I always wonder what your last thought was that night after you had finished blowing up the balloons ready to celebrate. I don’t know if you dying in your sleep comforts me or not. There’s so much people would have wanted to say to you if they knew it would be the last time. I don’t remember you and that saddens me. I remember only the morning you died. I sat on the stairs as I heard my own mother cry like her world had ended. She still misses you. I visit your grave sometimes and tell you stories. It’s funny how I can feel so close to someone even though I cant picture the contours of their face. Your children are parents now. Oh how you would have loved to be a grandmother. I hope you watch us. I hope you see. I hope you are there with us every step of the way. I ... Read more

I was a baby when you dead so I really don’t remember you but I had a dream about when I was little I saw a woman and she was trying to get me to stop crying. Now I know it was you and I know you are watching over us and I just wanted to say I love you and I can’t wait to see you when I go too.

I know you’re not here anymore, and it’s still so difficult for me, but I wish you to know that I’m growing up, yeah mom, your little daughter now is an adult. You left me when I was ten and now I’m eighteen, can you imagine how many things happened with me since you passed away? I wish you could see everything, I wish you were for me, just like when I was a children. I wish see you run in my direction when I say “mom, mom come here”. But this is just a memory. A memory that I’ll keep forever, because I love you and I will never forget you. Mom, you were, you are and you will always be, the best thing of my life and the best thing about me, I love you.

I know you have been dead for a while now. I have realised what you said about grandma. I miss the stories and the tricks that you to do, I still do not know how to do that pen trick but I am working on it. I promise that I will work it out . I think I have fallen into depression, there is a lot I have stuggled with like the bulling at 5 and then going into a operation at 10 under a year that you passed way I wish that you were still because when you left you tried to tell us that grandma had the early stages of memory loss, I wore mum come home crying and the family always in a head lock. But I think you were and still are the best think in my life.

Todo el tiempo que estuve muerta pensé en vos y en que tal vez podrías venir a levantarme, el problema es que nunca lo harías. Estoy muerta… mi conciencia se esta pudriendo y soy un ente en la realidad que me rodea. Perdón, perdón, perdón por poner en vos la presión de ser mi salvador. No creo que seas malo, maldad en un ser como vos no podría caber, solo creo que no miraste abajo donde yo estaba a tus pies, aferrándome a la idea de que un día serias solo para mi. No se por que estoy escribiendo esto acá, el libro no es particularmente emotivo para mi, solo que no tengo idea que estoy haciendo como la mayor parte del tiempo… Y hoy volví a pensar en el vídeo que esta subido en YouTube “Un punto azul pálido” y todo fue claro para mi, tan claro que me asuste… aunque pudieras no habría razón para que vengas, de cualquier manera estamos a solo unos pasos de volvernos cenizas, de volvernos huesos en un cajón. Y eso no es especial en nadie, ninguna muerte es especial, yo no soy especial… vos no sos especial. La muerte, mi querido, no nos esta esperando.

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