"More than a stunning debut. It is the announcement of a bold new literary voice"
—Stephen Chbosky, author of The Perks of Being a Wallflower

I’m angry at everything right now. I’m angry at cancer, for taking you away from me. I’m angry at my parents, for shutting down whenever they think of you. I’m angry at you for leaving me. I don’t want to be! So much has happened since you’ve left. Claire got married. The guy is really nice. You would have liked him. Alex K. is dating a girl named Ashley. I like her, but I don’t think they’re good for each other. Alex H. and Genny went off to college. Chris still has a little time left. Nico is about to go to college. Nancy is throwing a party and turning Nico’s room into her Woman cave. As for me, nothing really interesting. I was bullied in 3rd and 4th grade. I left the school and now I’m much happier. I was a bridesmaid in Claire’s wedding. The dress I was wearing was nothing in comparison to hers. It was beautiful. I have taken an interest in Shakespeare. I have done several performances by him, my most recent one was Macbeth. I was a witch. It was pretty cool. I wish you could have seen it. I still hate broccoli, but I ... Read more

I read your diary, and it was as if I lived everything that you passed. I felt guilty for complaining so much of life. You just wanted to be free, but today we adoslescentes want so many things, and at the same time do not want anything. You inspired me to an unbelievable way and I just wanted to be here to be able to hold you. You continued to believe in the goodness of men after all. How could you? You were the bravest girl of all time. Just wanted to say that even after all this time, is not all right, the world is still full of wars. And where is goodness? Anne, I want to find out where she is. I want to search there with all my strength. I think I’ve found out, it is in us, right Anne? It is this love I feel for you. I do not want to be sad wherever you are, everything will be fine one day yet.

Did you plan on telling me when we first walked along the beach hand in hand spilling our deepest secrets with eachother? Or did you plan on telling me the first time I invited you into my locked room and we became so close that there was no going back? Or did you plan on telling me when the words I love you escaped your lips and had me hooked for as long the beats continued in my heart, I would love you in return. We were perfect for eachother. We held onto to each other, your breath was my air, your smell was my reason to keep breathing, your voice tickled my ears. I fell so hard for you and when I found out about your drinking there was no one left to pick me up off the floor. Eventually the time I saw you sober didn’t create enough happiness to make me forget about the abuse I would get when the smell of whiskey haunted those lips i missed so much. Did you plan on telling me that your liquid poison would be the thing that took you away from me? Did you plan on telling me that ... Read more

Bueno, es la tercera carta que te escribo aca, cuando miro las luces de navidad pienso que esta es mi segunda navidad sin vos y mi corazon se despedaza un poquito. Pero en realidad eso no es por lo que escribe, tube una fin de semana… digno de olvidado pero imposible de olvidar. Empezo decente amigas, alcohol(si, alcohol), comida (si, comida) y una decision apresurada, eso fue el viernes a la noche, todo el sabado paso lento y triste. El domingo hice algo extremedamente estupido, tomo una de tus pildoras, esas que vos me hablabas…estaba sola en la terraza de mi casa drogada y tomando helados, veia los edificios y pensaba “podriamos estar viviendo juntos, podria estar viendote con las luces de navidad alumbrando tu cara” y bueno llore, llame a mi mejor amiga esa que vos odiabas, tubo que venir… (ahora empieza la olvidable), caminamos era de noche y nos sentamos en el rio, habia gente, habia dos chicos drogados al lado nuestro, era hermoso las estrellas, a mi se me estaba llendo el efecto pero era feliz… entonces vinieron estas personas en moto, nadie noto nada al principio, nos robaron y yo tenia miedo, pensaba sin cesar “si me matan hoy, ... Read more

I miss u so much. You have tought me so much. Thank you for being you.i could never forget you.i am happy i had the chance to have you in my life. You mean the world to me and grandma. Just know we all love and niss you.

I finally told someone a bit of the history between us. Not much, only about how I didn’t mean to fall in love with you and how our relationship was something new to me. I almost cried when I first started confessing. Can you blame me? Sometimes I sit and wonder if you still think of me. I want to reach out to you, but I don’t want you to know it’s me. I’ve resorted to this, posting a letter to you that will never be seen by you. It’s almost poetic, isn’t it? My love for you and, ultimately, my short-lived heartbreak was poetic, too. I don’t know what else to say. Fuck you, maybe?

I realised how many spelling mistakes and horrible errors I made in my last letter, probably because I was crying so much, as usual. So here we go again I guess :

I’m sorry. I’m sorry I couldn’t save you. It would have eventually been inevitable but not now. It was too soon. I think that you could have been even more beautiful than you were, you are. I’d like to think you’re still here somewhere, but it’s just too dark to find you. It’s always dark now. Like a tunnel with no light. And not a day passes when I don’t think of how much longer your life should have been. 17. I don’t think that’s long enough. Especially for someone as special as you. It’s been 3 years now and I was too young to understand, to naive. And even now I can’t bring myself to admit that you’re gone. Truly and utterly gone. I thought for a while that things could maybe get better. That I could get better. And now everything’s messed up again. My best friends have turned to self-harm and half the time it’s like they think it’s “cool”. I don’t think they are really ... Read more

I’m sorry. I’m sorry I couldn’t save you. It would have eventually been inevitable but not now. It was too soon. I think that you could have been even more beautiful than yu were, you are. I’d like to think you’re still here somewhere, but it’s just too dark to find you. It’s always dark now. Like a tunnel with no light. And not a day passes when I don’t think of how much longer your life should have been. 17. I don’t think that’s long enough. Especially for someone as special as cancer. It’s been 3 years now and I was too young to understand, to naive. And even now I can’t bring myself to admit that you’re gone. Truly and utterly gone. I thought for a while that things could maybe get better. That I could get better. And now everything’s messed up again. My best friends have turned to self-harm and half the time it’s like they think it’s “cool”. I don’t think they are really my friends anymore, they don’t understand what it’s like to toy with death. How precious every breath is. Because they can be gone. Just like that. But I hope, that wherever ... Read more

Dear Great-Grandma , I never got to meet you, you were gone before i was even 10 months old, but i wish i was born a long time before you left this world i think i would have been blessed to meet you, everybody said you were a nice person. I hope when i die i will finally get to meet you, my name is Marisha Helena Lillew Hollar i am now 14 years old, and my birthday is January 19th,2000

I’m still mad at you for hurting my mommy. I can barely believe that you did, but I did not know you since I was only 1 when you left me. I’m mad at you for leaving me and I’m mad at God for taking you away from me. I wish you didn’t leave. I wish you could watch me grow up, walk me down the aisle, listen to me gossip, let me cry on your shoulder, tell me it’s okay when it’s really not, be there with me forever. I’m a good kid though. I make really good grades and I have a great boyfriend that I think you would have liked a lot. Buba has a baby now and named him after you. He looks just like buba so in turn he looks like you as we’ll. I wonder what you would look like now… I was badly bullied in Elementary and Middle school. I was even sexually harassed at age 6. I wonder what you would have done if you were here and found that out. My step dad got drunk a few months ago and got into a fist fight with mom. He hit me. I can never ... Read more