"More than a stunning debut. It is the announcement of a bold new literary voice"
—Stephen Chbosky, author of The Perks of Being a Wallflower

I remember the day you left like it was yesterday. I remember coming home from school and seeing the look on dads face and it told me it all. I felt my heart sink, i had never felt like that before. Its almost been 3 years, things haven’t changed or gotten better. There’s so many questions i have and things i want to say to you but i would be typing forever. You were my best friend, my little brother, and my favorite person to be around. I wish you could see how far I’ve come in life. I miss you more than anything. I miss going to target and pushing you around in a cart up and down the isles. I miss you waking me up every morning. I miss how caring and loving you were. You were and are the strongest person I know. I’m sorry things ended how they did. It wasn’t your time to go, you were just a baby. One day I hope to see you again, even if its for a second. I would do anything to hold you in my arms one last time. I’ve learned to realize that you are gone and ... Read more

My love, it’s been 320 days since your tragedy. I mark the calendar for every day you’ve been gone, since December 25th, 2019 I haven’t heard from your outrageous personality. I miss you more than anything. When I figured out I had lost you I dropped to my knees and begged that it was a lie. It has been really hard without you Tay. I wake up every morning wishing you were here, the day I figured out you were gone I begged to differ the facts. You were my best friend and it sucks that you are no longer here with me physically. I know that you’re with me everyday; in my head, in my mind, in my presence. I always get a happy feeling when i’m at school or in our hangout place. I get a feeling that you’re with me walking, laughing, smiling. Every day I walk past our English class from our freshman year and look inside and I see you there laughing. I know that what I am saying might sound crazy but it’s true. I loved you Tay, you know that. From the days when I was upset, to the days I was the ... Read more

You left when I least expected and I didn’t get to say goodbye, so I wanted to clear up some things. I just feel like I’m going to explode if I don’t let it out. It’s hard to comprehend that you’ve finally grown your wings, sometimes the pain of it all makes me want to shout. I can’t remember a day without you. But since you’ve left me, that day is every day. We used to be stuck together like glue. When we were young you would always want to play. We grew up together, constantly at each other’s side. I guess that’s why I wrote this letter, to expose the feelings I’ve been trying to hide. You always got what you wanted, maybe because you were so spoiled. But to be honest that made us more bonded because we were always so coiled. But as we both started to get older, things started to go a little downhill. It seemed like you did not remember, but deep down I knew that you always will. From going to the park together to just tuning in our endless imagination. I hated it when I had to leave you with Heather if ... Read more

I wish you could have seen me one last time. I would have loved to tell you how everything was going here in the states, face-to-face rather than on the phone. The thing I regret most is always shying away from talking to you when it came to the phone calls. My grandma would tell us how much you miss us everytime she came for a visit. If I knew it’d be the last time I’d see you, I would have been there talking to you for hours. The only memory I can recall from my trip (years ago) is you watching me dance in the traditional dress you adored. Thank you for the gifts and the bits of memories. I wish nothing more than to cherish those forever. I’m sorry I never took the time to talk to you when I had the chance. I was so selfish for not wanting to accept every update my mom would receive in your final days. I couldn’t remember much of you, and I didn’t want to have sad memories attached to your final moments. I hope you understand. My mom and I miss you, so much. Especially my mom. She ... Read more

It has been almost six years since I lost you. Six years since I lost my best friend and biggest supporter. Six years since I lost a part of my heart and soul. People will always tell you that it gets better, but the truth is the pain and anger never goes away. When you passed away who I was started to slowly fade away. I lost my confidence, my hope, and the person you taught me to be. I struggled for a while to understand why. Why you? Why me? Why would a 10 year old little girl’s mom be taken away from her? I spent a lot of my time asking these questions over and over again and feeling guilty. I was so angry and hurt about your passing that I forgot who I was. It came to a point where I didn’t want to get out of bed in the morning. I didn’t want to eat and I couldn’t sleep. Sometimes I felt like I couldn’t breath, like the pain was too much to handle. Then one day I realized you wouldn’t want me to live like this. You would want me to be happy and ... Read more

I miss you more and more every day every hug every joke no matter how small I miss all the little things. Why does cancer have to be a thing? I have lost so many people from it but I would have never thought it would have taken my best friend, my uncle but really my dad, my big teddy bear, and my chef. Who is going to make me all of those delicious meals nobody can compare to you. Nobody’s food tastes even close to as good as yours did. Whenever I get a meal placed in front of me I always wonder so many things. How could Uncle Scott have made this better? Would Uncle Scott have made fun of how this is made? Would have he even liked it? If he did like it would he still ask for the chef and tell him it was good and tell him the things that would make it better? Some days I wish that he didn’t even have gotten skin cancer in the beginning so it wouldn’t have turned into brain cancer. But other days I wonder if we caught skin cancer earlier ... Read more

I miss you more and more each day. It’s been two years this April 6th. Sometimes I just lay awake at night talking to you like you are just sitting at the end of my bed. I wish I would have been better. I wish I would have called you more and called you every day while you were in the hospital because you were just scared and we all know you hated the hospital. I never eat french toast anymore because no one tastes like yours honestly. At grandpa Larry’s funeral, you didn’t leave my side at all. You stayed with me and handed me tissues and rubbed my back. I really needed you at your own funeral. Seeing you laying in the coffin felt surreal. I couldn’t believe it. You weren’t even 60 yet. It was just so much. You treated me like I was your biological granddaughter and it meant a lot to me as and kid when we would play old maid or go fish. I’m still mad you let me win. I remember we would blow chocolate milk bubbles when grandpa Kieth wasn’t in the kitchen because was nervous I would spill. the milk. I ... Read more

Why must have things ended so tragically? I was in my adolescence, it was so youthful and innocent, yet simultaneously grim. I can’t help but ponder about the father figure I lost at a young age, ‘what would he think about me now?’ ‘did he truly ever love me?’ ‘why did he leave me?’. The alcohol had taken you over and devastated your soul into a never-ending road of harmful reliance. My mom would hide me from all troubles, sending me to my cousins and grandparent’s house frequently. Frequent excursions to Kings Island and wherever she thought would be adequate for escape. When you died, it felt like nothing changed, I would just live my normal days at my old elementary school, talking with friends, playing at recess, and continuing on as if nothing had ever happened. My mom had sent me to therapy a few times around that time. I remember the lady every session would give me a chart in where I would mark how sad I was/how much I missed you and I would just act like I had an extreme longing, and by each and every session, make my supposed “grief” less and less until I ... Read more

When you died I was only 11 and you were the first person I have witnessed pass in my family and it was a very different experience. Brandon and Tori miss you a lot, so do all of us but especially Brandon, and seeing you guys get so close later in your life was awesome to see and witness. I miss coming over and watching the Buckeyes on Saturdays and seeing how focused on the TV you were when they played and how into the game you were. I have never met a bigger fan of them, until Brandon. I think your passing really made him love them that much more just because of how much you used to. I also wanted to ask, what happened? Who hit you? Why did you fall into the coma? Your brother misses you so much, he was devastated because you guys were so close and he loved you so much. I think your passing tore Troy up so much that he couldn’t handle it and we think he died because of that too. My grandpa talks about you sometimes and tells me stories about when you guys were kids, and how athletic you ... Read more

I knew you pretty much my entire life. I hung out at your house a lot since we lived right down the street and I loved being there. My favorite memories with you always seem to have something embarrassing in them, I guess you brought that out. It always felt like we were doing something so fun and were taking a far trip when we were allowed to walk down to your house to play and I really enjoyed those times. I don’t remember when you got sick or when they told me that you had Cancer but I do remember that you didn’t look like yourself. We didn’t hang out as much (With my cousin) considering you had moved and all but even after it seemed as if we weren’t making those terribly embarrassing memories. I remember when you were admitted to the hospital, my sister and mom went to visit you and it broke my sisters heart seeing you like that. I never got to visit you in the hospital because of school, I don’t know whether that’s a good thing or not because I don’t know if I could have seen you like that. I don’t remember ... Read more