"More than a stunning debut. It is the announcement of a bold new literary voice"
—Stephen Chbosky, author of The Perks of Being a Wallflower

I’m not sure of when you passed, but I do know that you and my older sister Esperanza were very close. I’m sure you knew of me but we never got to meet. I really wish we did seeing as I would love to have gotten to know you. I was the second child Desiree put up for adoption. She named me Heaven Leigh and my adoptive parents later named me Lily Kate, but I’m known now as Finnly Parker. Or just Finn. I chose my own name, but not a lot of people at my new school know that. This is going to be cut short but I’ll write again soon. I have a lot left to do in this world, and I believe you do too.

hi lola long time no see! i think it has been almost 7 months since you left us, almost a year ago when someone called mom from your hometown saying that you were sent to the hospital because you were vomiting. it feels like it was yesterday, everything that happened from that moment until now feels like yesterday. recently, i keep on forgetting things like where i put my glasses, what was i about to do in this room, etc. however, i keep remembering every second of what happened since last dec until your funeral this january. pretty weird, but i guess it’s just a way of my brain reminding me that it’s okay to feel sad with these memories. uh anyways update: ( i already sent you this via your email but i’m feeling extra today) i’m on my senior year this school year !! ( i surprisingly passed 11th grade yay) i know you want me to go to UP like your other grandchildren but i don’t think i can take the college exam this year due to the pandemic—it’s too hassle. and also, i don’t think mommy has the luxury to send two of her children to ... Read more

Hi lola? How are you? I miss you. D’you know that it’s my 3rd or 4th attempt? But still i’m living here.. Lola, when my time comes reserve me a room okay? We’ll be together there in heaven, wait for me, lola ha? I’ll see you again😭❤️ Gihigugma tika’g pamaayo😭

I’m really sorry that we have never met. I think about you more and more as I grow older. I always want to ask my dad about you, but I don’t want to remind him about your passing. I wonder if I am anything like you or if my sister is anything like you. These few months have been very difficult to me. I ended high school and now I am waiting for acceptance letter from college. I am really scared of what is infront of me, I am scared about my whole future, because I realised that I will never know how my future will look like. I hope I will go to college and not to work rigth now, because I don’t want to grow up yet and I feel like my teenage years flew away so quickly and I didn’t really pay attention to them. I hope I will ever get the courage to ask my dad about you and I hope you know about my difficulties. I sometimes feel like you are in our house and you are trying to be more vocal about it. Whereever you are now I hope you are doing well. I love you very ... Read more

No news that I come here talking to you on your big days as if this is a true way in which you are going to get my message. To be honest I scrolled through my last letter to you on here which was three years ago and I’m wondering how much has changed in me towards the fact that you’re gone. Soon it’s going to be seven years since you left us, and I can’t believe how hurt I still am because of this. Seems like I still can’t accept your decision to leave this world. Seems like I can’t make sense out of this. Still. I feel like I’m carrying a piece of emptyness in my chest everywhere I go, I just try to ignore it most of the time. To be honest I don’t know when I will fill it, but I know how I could. I hope that one day I will be strong enough to open my heart up to all this hurt that is left in me and that I will finaly be able to process it and make some sense out of this. I know I can do it, I guess it’s ... Read more

hi. i miss you. technically I never met you but somehow i feel like i did. I really do miss you though. recently I found a song that lea wrote about you. She wrote it a week after you died. it’s called “If you Say So.” I think you would really like it. i want you to know that i love you. and i still think of you every day. i know lea does too. naya rivera died recently. can you keep her safe in heaven? make sure she knows she’s in good hands. i know you will. i’m thankful for that. I hope you’re happy. i’m sure you are. thank you for fighting. i’m so sorry you lost your battle. stay strong, ok? me and the rest of the glee cast send love.❤

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O pai ganhou na quadra no dia que te enviei a carta. Estou rindo, pois sempre que falo da mega, nós ganhamos. Tenho que falar mais vezes…

Okay, definitivamente mais um pretendente forte na disputa. Estamos nos conhecendo, mas ele é alguém que eu sinto que vou me dar bem. Vamos ver o que vem por aí, não dá para saber ainda *meme do doguinho* hahahaha

Li um livro que falava sobre o luto e como os sentimentos mudam, mas permanecem ali, só são vistos com menos dor e mais amor, carinho pelas lembranças e saudade.

Não lembro mais tão bem da sua voz, mas não estou pronta para ouvir os áudios. Espero que me perdoe por não conseguir encarar isso de uma vez.

Muita luz para você. Amo tu, Taz.

ESTÁ ROLANDO UMA FUCKING PANDEMIA.

Eu estou rindo agora, a última carta não previa nada disso. Bom, acho que seria meio difícil falar sobre algo dessa dimensão, mas já estava rolando e não sabíamos. Agora é só esperar passar e torcer para todos ficarmos bem.

(Prometi te atualizar sobre os assuntos, agora eles já parecem irrelevantes, mas vou te contar mesmo assim.)

Não contei para o pai, porque não era um bom momento e não quero fazer isso por fazer. Quem sabe daqui a um tempo. Você ficará sabendo.

Eu e a V. somos só amigas agora e tudo bem por mim. Não que eu tenha deixado de querer algo com ela por inteiro, mas estamos bem assim e fui eu quem ofereci isso desde o começo, não foi da boca para fora. Porém, se um dia ela mudar de ideia… hahaha

Eu entrei para o Tinder e surpreendentemente conheci muita gente legal. Agora tenho pretendentes hahaha. Um deles é bem especial e eu quero tentar algo com ele, mas tenho certo receio quanto às expectativas dele. Venho te contar no que deu, torça por mim.

Ganhei um dinheiro na loteria. Comprei coisas legais para mim e um presente para a mãe. Uma das ... Read more

It is seven years since you are gone but I still miss you. You were the kindest person in my life and my role model. I’m trying to be a good person like you were. But sometimes it is very hard, so please don’t be dissapointed. Thank you for making my childhood so amaing, for always listening to me, supporting me and never being too tired to talk with me. I hope everything you believed in was true and you are in heaven, but since you are gone I have some issues with my faith. I’m thinking about you and grandpa almost every day, and I won’t every stop. One day, I’m going to tell my little sister and my future children stories about you . Love you forever♥