"More than a stunning debut. It is the announcement of a bold new literary voice"
—Stephen Chbosky, author of The Perks of Being a Wallflower

There are many things i would to tell you, something are amazing, something are exited and something are very sad. But now i write to you to tell you about your daugther; yes, you have an amazing daugther. When did you leave, we know that you will be a father, nine months after was born a beautifull girl, her name is Salomé Fernanda (Fernada to Fernando like you) she is identical to you. Now she grow up and is an intelligent girl. And i know that you never know her but you would have been a great dad. I hope that you are looking us all time. I never forget you and always i miss you so much; you didn’t deserve what happen to you. I love you

Oii. Estava contando de nós. Eu sei que não apareço a muito tempo, mas me faltava coragem.

Agora estou contando de nós e de toda a gratidão que sinto por ter tido você comigo. É um agradecimento. Obrigada por ter sido o anjo que cuidou de mim por toda a infância e uma parte da adolescência. Você sempre será o meu Taz. O cara que eu amo como um irmão, um eterno melhor amigo e tanto mais. Estou com saudades. Sinto todos os dias, mas hoje estou nostálgica e grata, então precisava te contar.

A garota por quem eu estou meio que apaixonada não me nota de jeito nenhum. O que eu faço? Você falaria algo besta e eu ficaria toda brava agora, mas tudo bem, valeria a pena. Se eu chegar a beija-la, você será o primeiro a saber além dela (claro). Porque você saberia exatamente o que dizer.

Muita luz para ti, Taz.

It’s been about a year and a half since you left us. All of us. Your family. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think about you every day when I wake up or when something exciting happens and you’re the first person I want to tell. The thing is, you were so complicated. I think about how badly I want you here to see me grow up and make something of myself but when I am honest with myself, there’s no guarantees that you’d be present even if you still were alive. If funny now to think about how unstable you were.

I’m in my second semester of nursing school, Mikey is graduating high school in a few months (a miracle I know), Sammy graduates nursing school last spring and is pregnant and due in June and Tori is getting married next month. She’s actually getting married on your birthday, April 20th. The closer it gets the more we all say we wish you could be here. But wishing won’t bring you back.

Fact of the matter is that I’m still feeling every emotion about you choosing to leave this world. I get sad because I ... Read more

It’s been 6 years since you passed away. Sometimes I completely forget you existed and people knew you, other times I can’t even fathom that I live without your phone calls and laughter. I wish you were still around, it was so easy to talk to you about things. Even though I was young when you died, I still could talk to you. I remember vividly when mom and dad told me you had died, but the weird thing is I don’t remember a single thing during that day. I can’t remember how I felt, what I did or what I said. I’ve only cried twice about you since your funeral, first time was after I had an argument with mom and I just wanted to talk to you, the second time was on a random night when I was thinking about all my memories with you and how they weren’t enough. I want to be a jounrnalist or maybe a writer one day. I hope you can see be and be with me, I hope that you can hear me. If I ever have a daughter , I am naming her after you. You were strong ... Read more

I don’t know if there’s an afterlife, but I like to think so. If there’s not, maybe there’s a wormhole and your watching me from an alternate universe? I like to take comfort in the thought that there’s a universe or timeline where you’re not dead. Maybe your dad wasn’t a garbage human being in that world or maybe you chose to stay with us instead of move in with him… All I know is that I wish we could’ve had a happier ending.

If you’ve been watching over me, I know you’ve seen my struggles. After you and Dad left me with Mom when you both passed, I took to some unhealthy habits and projected my hurt on stupid little events to avoid admitting that the real reason I hurt was because you were gone. I know we were never really close when I was just your bratty, do-no-wrong (even when I did) baby sister, but I like to think that there would’ve been a time where we could’ve been more like me and our older sisters where everything is a shared burden or happy event. We’ve bonded even more since you left us and I just wish we could’ve ... Read more

I know you so very well. maybe yes or no you would read this letter, you are me and i am you, right? I’m always proud of what you’ve been through if its good or bad. You able to do everything that you wanna do except one thing, by revealing your other self due to keeping yourself for peace and love with your family. Its hard to deal with it but i know at some point you able to make it through. ilysm.

You’re not dead, but rather, the E I knew is now. You were my very first boyfriend. I wasn’t allowed to have one in the first place ’til I already had a stable job yet I took the risk just for you. It’s funny how we teenagers do these typical things.

I am confident enough to say that I am over you, after all, it’s been almost 2 years since we broke up. Whenever I see pictures of you posted by your current girlfriend on social media, my heart doesn’t feel that particular pang of pain anymore.My heart doesn’t constrict at her twitter profile enamored with your name and posts devoted to you. My storybook of a body has left your chapter of fingerprints and hickeys, and my mind has moved on to another person to write about. I don’t even remember how your lips felt anymore.

I guess I’m writing this to say sorry. I realized I never got to say this in real life and only blamed you for almost everything while self-deprecating. You were honestly not that bad. I mean, I would have had dated worse for a first, but then again we weren’t just meant to last and ... Read more

You’d be 31 this year. I can’t remember the first time I was told about you. But I know that everyday since that day, I’ve thought about you and missed you. Even though I never got to meet you, I miss you. I’ve always wondered what you’d be like. The person you would’ve grown up to be. The big brother you would’ve been. Would you have been the big brother to help us help when we fell off our bikes? Or would you be the one to laugh and push us over? Would you beat up the boys who broke our hearts and stand up for us when other kids made fun of us? Would you have been athletic or nerdy? Chess club or football? I actually know the last one. With our family, you definitely would’ve been athletic. Football, basketball, and track. Or maybe not basketball, if you’re like dad and it wasn’t “full contact enough” for you. But I know you would’ve been athletic. And maybe a little nerdy. When something big happens in the family, I always find myself stopping and wondering how you’d react. What you would think. Or the advice you would give. If you were here, would you ... Read more

It´s a long time ago since i thought of you and i just really want to say that i miss you with all of my heart and it was so hard to let you go, but now i know that you are free and god will look after you. You always understood me without words. I´ll never forget you I promise

It’s been almost 3 years without you now, I miss you, I miss play tag with you when we were younger, I miss feeding you snacks, I miss falling asleep next to you in front of the tv. I miss you, you were a good girl.