"More than a stunning debut. It is the announcement of a bold new literary voice"
—Stephen Chbosky, author of The Perks of Being a Wallflower

When I think of you I hate myself and my existence. When I think if you I feel sad and in pain and like the world has gone black. Because I look like you I make mom sad, and because I look like you she sometimes beats me.

I always wonder if you’re actually traveling; just the way you told me back when I was gullible. The lie of getting to see you again is better than the realization of never being able to hug you again, so I tell myself that I’ll see you when I get home, the one that mom and i left you at before our big move.

It’s been 14 years since I last saw you, and 10 years since I last heard you over the phone. I don’t remember what you look like, but I guess that’s not important when I’m told I look like and exact copy of you; it’s not the same though; when I hug myself as I cry myself to sleep I feel cold and empty, the warmth of you is what I want and when I seek the you within myself you’re never around; it’s not like you ever were but ... Read more

Honestly ,you have influenced me so much. The way you sing ,how you didn’t care if you were different .You accepted it and you were admired by so many people .Sometimes I think of the way music would have changed if you were still alive .With all your hits .not just Smells like Teen Spirit .The way you sang poring your whole heart out into the song. Sometimes I wish that I was born years earlier so that I could have the chance to see you live .Thank you for all the great music that you wrote when you were still alive .

It’s funny how you affect me in such a positive way and you aren’t even in my generation. You are pretty much all I can think about lately and how I wish there was a way I could go back in time to say hello and shake your hand, or hug you and say thank you for what you, as a person, has done for me. I believe you didn’t want to go. I believe you wanted to live. You just got caught up in the moment with everything going on around you and drugs were everything. You did them thinking it was okay but you felt something and you knew, and that makes me believe you didn’t want to go. Selfishly, I wish you would’ve said no. Stopped your fun even if you thought you were going to be okay. Selfishly, we all think that. We love you and… selfishly, we miss you. That probably hurts everyone who is gone to see people miss them, but I can’t help to think it. Think about how life would be different if you were here. Or, how far you would’ve made it. Or, how many more lives you could’ve changed. I mean… ... Read more

Is it true? That your world was a horrible one? Growing up you realized that life isn’t perfect and it never was. Because of the Holocaust, you were scared and frightened, hoping that everything would be just fine, but it wasn’t. It wasn’t at all. I read about you, and I was just so inspired that I watched every animated video I could find about you, about your past life, and how it was in your home and even…diary. I thought that I could reach for every possibility that I have in life. And so on. I wanted to change my world. So I thought about you, and how much you inspired me to change myself and let myself free from my memories I always tried to forget. I just want to say, thank you.

I’m sorry that your mother died because of a problem with the house that you bought for your parents. I can imagine how devastating that was for you. And I’m sorry that you felt compelled to kill off all of the mothers in your movies. Did you ever reach peace within yourself? Did you die tormented? Or did you realize that you were going to see her? If so, why did you have yourself readied to be brought back to life? So that you could live a happy life? After you saw her again? Mr. Disney, please, stay at peace. Stay with your mother and father and the rest of your family as the later branches start to join you too. You don’t understand the times. You won’t understand the times. For whatever reason, Winnie the Pooh and Mary Poppins aren’t enough anymore. They have to be more elaborate. No more simple days in the sun, wishing that our childhood could have been as sweet and safe as Christopher Robin’s or at least as exciting as the Banks children’s. You will sell movie tickets for the novelty of your newest, unexpected movie. But no one enjoys the simple things in ... Read more

Where are you now? I really want to know. Please. I feel like I will end up in the bad place for it. And that of course will make the purpose useless. I mean, did you regret it? Or are you so much happier? I am not considering it right now, but I am feeling so sad. Anyway, I just hope that you knew what you were doing.

You shouldn’t care if my light goes out.

I try. I do. Maybe I am an “edge lord” or whatever you say. Maybe I say these things because I actually like them AND because it MIGHT get me the attention I crave from all of you people who I TRY to fit in with and be kind to and include. But you never include me. I know you aren’t dead. And I don’t necessarily want you to be dead to me. So I’m sorry that I am not fitting the purpose. “Who cares if one more light goes out?” – Linkin Park. I don’t think that you care about mine. One of you actually cares about me but I am trying to tell you that I need you to SHOW ME. Only three or four people even messaged me while I was gone from school for almost three weeks because I was hospitalized for trying to kill myself. And then YOU. I love you, but I hated you in this moment. I sent notes to my boyfriend and closest friend while I was in the hospital. I couldn’t contact anyone else. I get out and text YOU because I haven’t talked to you and I want to. ... Read more

So…how do I say this…I don’t know if your spirit ever truly existed…I mean, the other sac was empty. I think my mom feels sad about what would have been. She was going to name one of us Emma and the other one Hannah. Our younger sister may not have been born or she would have been named Lydia. I don’t know. Maybe I absorbed you in the womb? What would it have been like? Would we both have had OCD? Depression? Celiac disease? Would we have liked the same things? What would we have done? Would Hannah have been lonely? John? I used to play with him. Then, I left him for Hannah, and now I am alone with my thoughts. We could have been each other’s best friend. We would have been fraternal. I would have been jealous of how much better you looked than me. But would we be similar? What do you like? Would you like black and gray or pink and rainbow? Or in the middle, orange and purple? Or none or all? Would you have liked depressing ballads and emo rock? Would you have wanted to share a room? Would you like dogs? Would ... Read more

Under common influence, you are assumed to be a great person. Or at least a good leader. And I will concede that. But what is it like? To have a legacy like that? You are on Mount Rushmore, you have your own memorial, your house, Monticello is admired. And yet the man who wrote of the rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness for all men, who are created equal, owned hundreds of slaves. I know that you advocated for non-violent coercion to work, but, um, it still isn’t right at all! I know that you had unconventional ideas that may have made life slightly better for your slaves, but I honestly can’t get it out of my mind. And you had an affair with a young slave as well. I respect what you did to help the country, and I wish that I could keep up with the facade created by respect for your work. I just don’t know. I know that the opinion of one person doesn’t matter in the course of your legacy, but I wish I could know the thought process behind it and just why.