"More than a stunning debut. It is the announcement of a bold new literary voice"
—Stephen Chbosky, author of The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Oi. Ontem completou um mês desde que você fez o que fez e eu sonhei contigo. Talvez seja esta a maneira que minha mente encontrou para lidar com a sua ausência. Seu contato continua gravado no meu celular, sua conversa foi arquivada, pois me nego a perder a sua voz. Nosso aniversário irá chegar em alguns meses e seu recado não chegará e isso dói tanto. Ouvi que ainda dói, porque te amamos muito, e concordo, mas não torna mais fácil. A mãe disse que em outras vidas você foi o filho dela, talvez a gente seja os gêmeos, talvez não, mas agora entendo a sensação de que perdi um irmão, nossa ligação ia muito além. Não sei aonde você está, mas espero que em um lugar melhor com seu coração de ouro. A faculdade começou e minha cabeça anda ocupada, mas você ainda estará nos meus pensamentos e no meu coração.

This is not a love letter, it’s a farewell letter. You left my life of my own free will when I was still just an innocent baby who did not know things. When that happened I was too young to be hurt. But now that I’ve grown up, now that I’ve grown up without you, it hurts. It hurts. I miss you more than anything, I miss what we could have become, I miss when I thought you were good. But now, all I’ve been doing is hating you and trying to block you from my mind. You will never read it, but deep down I do not really want you to read it, because you do not even deserve my words. I’ve always been here for you, for us. But you’ve never been here for me. I feel so angry for it. But you will no longer have that power over me. My incredible philosophy teacher said that no matter what pain they caused you, what matters is what you do with that pain. I’ve decided I will not let your pain hurt anymore. See you, Dad. Have a nice life.

You may think why did I wrote a letter for myself, if I’m not yet dead. I’m still alive, still kicking and having fun with my friends. The thing is that I know I’m still alive but I feel like I’m already dead, like I’m a walking dead. It was hard for me to keep everything all by myself and I guess I am nothing compared to Laurel. She was a good girl, but Laurel and I have this same issue and that is we both losing our selves . I lose myself. And I keep losing it. I’m afraid that maybe one day, I could not even say a word for myself or for others. Maybe one day, I can’t hear their voices and I was just in the coffin, so yeah, before I die, just before it, I wanted to say how thankful I am, to have all of you, sometimes I am so fragile, but all of never gets tired of fixing me and taking good care of me. I never said thank you to all of you guys, I know I didn’t, and please always be brave and strong enough to win every long battle. Always ... Read more

I love your music. You were amazing. I have never heard a voice so beautiful in my life. Your voice is so unique, I have never heard a voice like yours. I miss you, and wish you were still alive and well today.

I love you. Your song Heroes inspired me. I miss you. Many miss you. I hope you have finally received peace.

This is not a love letter. You were a monster. Why did you do heroin? Why did you become abusive? Why did you want me to be around just to bring me down? Why did you hurt so many people? Why did you steal? Why did you decide to have kids just to steal from them? Why did you even bother? Why couldn’t you be there? Why couldn’t you have been a good father? Why couldn’t you have chosen your two daughters over drugs? Why couldn’t you have treated your mother with respect? Why couldn’t you have left me alone? How could you mess my life up? How could you ruin my trust? How could you hurt us? How could you corrupt us? How could you hurt others with no guilt? How could you hurt me? Why did you destroy your body? Why did you even bother?

You left the world almost three years ago. It doesn’t seem real. I remember your smile, your love for sweet food (diabetic), and your undying love for the Cincinnati Reds. You would always say, “Goodnight, love you.” Then you left. You were sick. They said that your were going to die. I didn’t believe them, I thought that you would pull through. You didn’t. You died, alone, in a nursing home. You died with strangers, when you should have died with your family. I remember being extremely angry at my brother, because he said, “He was already dead to me.” You should never say that. Never. I miss you. I wish you were here. I wish I could see your smile, and hear your laugh one last time. But, I never will. Ever since your death, I have never been the same. You were a light in the everlasting darkness. I wish I could say goodbye, just one last time. But, I won’t be able to. They say that I will be okay. I don’t think I am ever going to. I love you

I am inspired by you everyday. Your music helped me through a lot. I wish you didn’t do it. You left behind a wife and family. You were loved. I have always felt connected to your music. Your voice, lyrics, and songs helped many people. I just want to know why you did it. Was it the death of Chris Cornell? I know he was a great friend of yours. I just wish you were here. I wish we could go back in time to get you and Chris help. You both inspired many with your voices. I have cried many times listening to your song One More Light. I just wish you would have shown signs so that you could’ve gotten help. Many peoplpeople wish that you were here. I hate people who are joking about your suicide. It is not a joke, or a funny meme. You were a person. You were a star that flickered, and died. You were alive. You were beautiful, and amazing. I am so sorry that you are gone.

Eu rezo por você todos os dias, para que você esteja em paz e feliz, para que você tenha se encontrado, e encontrado um mundo melhor. Saiba que mesmo que você tenha ficado sozinho no seu último dia, você nunca estará sozinho, porque você é muito amado por mim e por muitas pessoas que todos os dias sentem sua falta. Onde você estiver por favor, saiba que sempre estará no meu coração, e no coração dos seus fãs e dos seus amados filhos. Michael você hoje é muito admirado, muito amado, muito acolhido e respeitado, hoje todos nós sabemos como você é um homem maravilhoso, bondoso e talentoso, e saiba que o mundo perdeu o maior artista que já existiu, você foi daqui para as estrelas, e hoje você é a estrela mais brilhante de todo o céu.. E eu nunca, nunca deixarei você morrer enquanto eu viver. Eu te amo muito, que Deus esteja cuidando de você.

Oi. Em alguns dias irá completar um mês e ainda não tive a coragem de apagar suas mensagens. É como se fazer isso vá tornar tudo mais real e eu não quero que seja. Quero manter sua voz gravada, assim se eu me esquecer do seu “pestinha”, talvez eu possa ouvir os seus áudios no repetir e lembrar, e sentir um pouco mais de ti. Acho que nunca conseguirei escrever para ti sem ficar a beira de desmoronar. Eu sinto tanto pelo que não vivemos e isso é o que mais dói. Vivemos tanto em pouco tempo e você não será esquecido, fica tranquilo. Aliás, minha visão sobre a vida mudou, infelizmente dessa maneira, mas os momentos com os meus amados se tornaram muito mais simbólicos, só queria te contar.

Outra novidade é que tenho realmente tentado tocar a bola para frente. A pessoa que me mantinha presa, não parece ter muito interesse em manter-se em minha vida, portanto não irei implorar por isso. Ando ficando com garotos e tentando gostar, mas não acho que esteja fumcionando. As garotas ainda me parecem bem mais interessantes, porém talvez eu dê uma chance para um certo rapaz. Veremos.

Volto para contar sobre o ... Read more