"More than a stunning debut. It is the announcement of a bold new literary voice"
—Stephen Chbosky, author of The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Thank you for being there ever since I was a little toddler, I know we made mistakes together as you and my parents often fought a lot about me. When I turned two years old, you left, said mom when she told me about you during your funeral. You died a long time ago, and it was painful to remember. I’ve been reading a lot of books and writing some myself, but I have never encountered such a lovely book as the one Ava Dellaira had written, and it inspired me to try and reach out to you.

Aunt Tessie, please don’t be sad, nobody has ever forgotten who you are. You are always in my heart, as the best aunt I could have. I couldn’t do anything when I saw you laying on your bed, so slim like you’re becoming bones. I was scared, more like guilty. I regret how I never got to thank you so genuinely while you were still breathing in the same air as I was… And now you’re inside that coffin underground.

Back when I was four, I was a really great ballerina, I used to be such a perfectionist in what I do. My parents ... Read more

I haven’t tried to kill myself, yesterday was the anniversary of the day they found you hanging in your closet and I was able to do basic things that I usually can’t on that day. I wish you were here because I miss everything about you, but I don’t think I will ever forgive you for how hard you made things for everyone. It isn’t the same and it’s frustrating. You didn’t know it but the day your mother got the car she had just picked me up and we were going to surprise you for valentines day. I love you and I hope you have piece now. your friend, Autumn

I haven’t tried to kill myself, yesterday was the anniversary of the day they found you hanging in your closet and I was able to do basic things that I usually can’t on that day. I wish you were here because I miss everything about you, but I don’t think I will ever forgive you for how hard you made things for everyone. It isn’t the same and it’s frustrating. You didn’t know it but the day your mother got the car she had just picked me up and we were going to surprise you for valentines day. I love you and I hope you have piece now. your friend, Autumn

I haven’t tried to kill myself, yesterday was the anniversary of the day they found you hanging in your closet and I was able to do basic things that I usually can’t on that day. I wish you were here because I miss everything about you, but I don’t think I will ever forgive you for how hard you made things for everyone. It isn’t the same and it’s frustrating. You didn’t know it but the day your mother got the car she had just picked me up and we were going to surprise you for valentines day. I love you and I hope you have piece now. your friend, Autumn

i hope you found the peace you deserved.

I grew up watching you on TV. Glee was my favorite show out there. It showed how outcasts could have something all of their own and fit into a group where they belonged. I always wanted a Glee Club at my school. I’ve never been the best at singing, but I constantly find myself doing it and it’s one of the few things that genuinely makes me happy. I still remember the day I found out you left this world. I was driving home with my mom and sister from school and my sister read an article that said you died of a drug overdose. A mixture of heroin and alcohol. Most times when I hear of drug overdoses I consider it suicide. Surely people know what they are doing and what the risks are of taking hard drugs. That’s probably why they take them. They want something to take away the pain, but don’t people to think they are killing themselves so they drug themselves to cover it up. I think that’s what happened with you. Maybe everything was too much and you needed a way out. Using heroin is stupid, and then adding alcohol into your bloodstream besides ... Read more

Os dias passaram e não houve um deles que eu não tenha pensado em você. Tenho visto você em outras pessoas e desejado que tenha sido um engano, que você esteja ali e não tenha acontecido isso. Pensar na sua morte como aconteceu, entristece a qualquer um, pois não acho que alguém mereça passar por tanta dor ao ponto de fazer o que você fez. As feridas vão cicatrizar, eu sei que vão e algumas vezes eu sinto culpa por saber que a minha vida continua e um dia eu posso acordar sem pensar em você em um só segundo do meu dia. Passamos por muitas juntos e muitas delas ficaram marcadas no meu corpo, mas nenhuma delas causou tanto estrago como te perder, irmão. Você não foi neu irmão de sangue, mas nossa proximidade foi tanta que não consigo pensar diferente. Você foi incrível e agora é tarde para dizer isso, então peço que me perdoe se eu não disse isso o suficiente. Não pedirei perdão pelo que passamos, pois não me arrependo de nenhum momento contigo, tudo foi genuíno e eu não mudaria nada, apenas se tivesse a chance de te salvar, ai eu faria diferente. Não consigo lembrar ... Read more

Yesterday I did one of the biggest steps to find my truly self. Because I was reading this and it made me to think about it. About me and why I am still feel so empty a lost. I went to a chat room for someone who feel some kind of fear and things something like that. Later that night I was crying, because I was feeling so lost. So unhappy. Today I went to that chat room again. They told me that I have to find some real help. But I don’t know. I am not sure I wanna do that. I know that if I know you, you could help me, because I think you were so smart. Like not the way, that you were smart as a doctor, dentist or this but the way you know, what’s real. And I know, you could help me. I think I am still feeling like Yoko. When she lost you. Because I lost a very important person of my life and I don’t know what to do. I am pretty sure Yoko felt so much pain. Like she had (or still has) a hole in her chest, where chaos, depression, your death, live. And that ... Read more

This is supposed to be for the dead, but in a way you both kind of are to me. It’s been two years since you both got together and ruined my life. It’s been two years since you both sent me spiraling into a dense sea of sadness and hopelessness that has taken me two years to get out of. I’ve climbed out but I’m still wet with hurt. I can’t see you both in the hall at once or I start having a panic attack.

Bri, you manipulative bitch. It’s harsh but true. I trusted you with my life. I trusted you to stop me from hurting myself and to help let me open up. I trusted you to be supportive and help me with Ry. You were none of those things. You promoted the act of self harm to me. You didn’t help me. You told me you’d be there for me and you weren’t. I was there for you until you decided to talk to my crush and start dating him. You didn’t even tell me. You never asked if I was okay all the times in science when I could not stop the tears from pouring out ... Read more

Swadhistha is thinking about you. She told me about you. I think about you everyday, what Swadhi would be like if you were born. If she would still constantly want to die. If she would even be my best friend. I sometimes just look at the ceiling, thinking, would you be okay with me falling in love with her. Wanting so bad to ask her, “Will you marry me?” Even though we both don’t know you at all, we’re thinking about you. About what your interests would be. What your hobbies would be. Just, what kind of person you would be. She loves you, even though she doesn’t say it. I can tell.