"More than a stunning debut. It is the announcement of a bold new literary voice"
—Stephen Chbosky, author of The Perks of Being a Wallflower

You’re a booty.

Hey Grandpa, how are you? It’s been months since the last time I made a letter through this website. Schools kind of cool now, I think. No more bullies, but I just wanted you to know that I think I fell in love with this guy at school. His name’s Masergs. We’ve been best friends since Grade 7 until now. And I’m afraid if I get hurt. November 28, 2016 when he confessed in front of me, and at first I thought that he’s only playing with me or just joking but it turns out I did the same. I confessed. And by that, we’re officially MU more like “mutual understanding”. I know grandpa, it’s kind of funny but you knew that mom wouldn’t let me to have a boyfriend, other than that I’ll always keep my promises. December 16,2016 it was our Christmas Party, it was totally unexpected when he grabbed my hand and dances me in the empty dance floor as I say. It’s kinda embarrassing at first cause we’re the only two who were dancing until slowly others followed. I felt so giddy at that time, and on the afternoon he asked me to go out ... Read more

Hi, baby. How are you? How are you up there? I’m sorry I didn’t know about your passing. It hurt me when I saw a bunch of people sending condolences on your facebook account. You never went online weeks before you decided to go home up there and I regret the fact that I never got to say goodbye to you. Up to this day I still think of you. You were so young. You told me about your illness and that meeting people online and using your laptop was your only hobby because your illness was in the way of doing normal things but I totally understand and accept that.

Thank you for fangirling with me. Thank you for talking to me through the internet despite of the dangers and risks of talking to someone online.

I wonder how things would have turned out if you were still alive. You’re probably around 16 or 17 by this time (as I assumed). I wonder how many more conversations and fangirling moments could we have shared with each other?

I miss you, dear. I love you. Thank you. x

You committed suicide as I was halfway through Ava’s book. It was July 20th, & it was after my dance class when I found out by an arcticle my mom shared on Facebook. I inmediately started crying, because I had literally spent my whole 15 years listening to your music, & relating to the lyrics. Adolescence is one of the toughest stages in one’s life. Your songs somehow made the weight seem lighter. & I was so mad at you, Chester. I was mad because, besides from leaving us, your fans, you left your whole family, too. You left six kids & a wife. You left your band members, your brothers.You left a whole group of young adults & teenagers who were in need of you, of your music. The morning of July 20th, you uploaded a music video to “Talking To Myself”, I remember watching it with my friends at school before class… Just to find out nine hours later you were dead. You hung yourself. I gotta be honest, Chester. Things haven’t been alright ever since you left. & it’s been two months. People start making heavy jokes on you, or telling me to get over it… But it’s hard to get ... Read more

First of all, I want to say thank you for making the music that became my voice when I can’t speak, for making life less shittier because somehow, your music helps. I wished we, the fans, could’ve done the same to you.

I had ‘Watch Linkin Park live’ in my bucket list, really. But well, the angels and God enjoyed your music to much and became selfish, taking you for themselves.

I love how you can just express when I can’t. I love how you made me continue living in little ways. I love how because of you, I received and accepted the help I needed. I love how because of you, I accepted to be me. But I hate how because of your passing, I had to skip every Linkin Park. I could listen to them again now thankfully, just this September. But of course, the ‘heavy’ feeling is still there.

Just want to let you know everyone in the world mourned for you and they woulf held a memorial concert for you. Sucks cause I can’t attend that.

Anyways, I hope you keep rocking wherever you are right now. We love you, Chester. And thank you

You didn’t know me but I still care. You went to school with me. You had friends. You Played sports. You Went to parties. I miss you and our community misses you too. Thank you for your time on earth making many lives better. Many people are upset that you are gone. Traumatized. You didn’t deserve it. I miss you.

I love every bit of you. I miss you. I still got your jersey from your football team. It smells just like you. Your little sister isn’t so little no more. My birthday was on September 22 , it went well till i realized that i was missing somebody but i didn’t know who. You. My older brother . My father figure. How is up there? Did you get to meet our old dog prince.Tell grandma i said i love her. Did i mention you should really read this book? WELL, you should it reminds me of a lot and i can relate to it. Tell “Tupac” i said you the best and you inspire me to do big things with my music career. I got so much homework to do and i need to get straight to it so i love and always shine on!!!

I went to your house the other day to see Nan, it still smells like you. Your hat and jacket is still hanging by the front door like it has been since the day you put it there. I walked in through the door waiting for you to greet with that big goofy smile and a big hug, but I wake up from my memory and there’s Nan, sitting down with your favourite coffee mug in hand touching it like it’ll bring back the touch of your hand. She looks at me and acts like it doesn’t kill her inside because you’re not there, I hate when she does that. We go out to your favourite place in the world, the garden and look at the potatoes, I helped Nan set all the vegetables, she says I had the same stupid look on my face as you did when you were digging, she also says you would’ve loved to see me in the garden poppy, and I know it’s true, I regret never going out there with you while I had the chance, I never went out there with you because of the fear of getting dirty, little did I ... Read more

I like to think you are proud of me. Everyone tells me you would be, but most of the time I question myself. I wonder if I’ve made too many mistakes and you are ashamed of me, was I too drunk at that party, should I have waited til I was married to have kids? Sometimes I just wish you could answer, I feel I’ve let you down in so many ways. If you are embarrassed by me I’m sorry, ever since I lost you I’ve been trying to figure out how to get back to normal and i realized my life is and never will be normal without you in it, so I try my best. For you, cause I know you’d want me to fight, and I will. I’ll fight.

It’s been 5 years you were taken from us. I still jump when the phone rings hoping it’s you, my life has changed so much in 5 years. I’m 22 now, I’m an adult. I have an amazing boyfriend who treats me amazingly just like you wanted for me, I’m also having a little baby girl, we are thinking of naming her Charlotte Lorraine after you. I hope you’re proud of me