"More than a stunning debut. It is the announcement of a bold new literary voice"
—Stephen Chbosky, author of The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Hey, uncle. Whoever you are or wherever, I believe it is my time to say something to a now-entity-and-contrarily-rotting-of-a-flesh dead man. I knew your name, but I forgot. I wish we knew each other better, but I’m glad we didn’t. I’m too messed up. You know, problems and stuff. You’re the only dead person I’m related to, by blood. And I sure hope you’re the only one. I’m sure there were others, but I wasn’t born early enough to even know their existence. I would love to talk good things, like how I’m doing good, or how I lived this far in my damned life. I wish I could lie about that but, to me it seems dazing and probably a little confusing to think how I badly want to live and to live good, and how I’d rather have myself killed than live a fucked up life. I guess that would be bullshit, and selfish. There are people who loves me even when I’m shitty, people who take me as someone of relevance to this pathetic spherical ball of land and sea. It is very disturbing that I’m sending these words to a grown dead man who wouldn’t have understood me ... Read more

I miss you so much. I told you that I was worried you were going to die if you didn’t take better care of yourself, that it would break me… you promised me this was the year and you were doing your best…. and you were… and then you died. It’s been 4 months without you and I’m so scared that there’s nothing after death. That everything you were and suffered for your entire life, was for nothing. I’m scared daddy.

Assalam Walaikum, I hope Ya Allah (SWT) has answered our prayers and has placed you in heaven and has forgiven your sins. We are all ok on Earth. Dad would cry sometimes at your absence, sometimes me too but then Allah (SWT) did what’s best. It has been 4 years since your death and we still mourn. What would life be like right now if you were alive? Would you be living with us here in England? Or would you still be in Bangladesh?

Grandma and Uncle are here with us in England. You have 3 grandsons named Salman, Tariq and Ayaan (your sons’ and daughter’s sons). Your daughter’s mother-in-law passed away last year. All these things have happened. Would it have made a difference if you were here?

Who knows…………….

Yesterday, it was the third anniversary of your death, Bubu, my dear late female guinea pig since 30th June 2014. Your resting place was covered with a lot of grasses included Bobbi’s one. Honestly, I felt very sad because I cannot celebrate Aidilfitri together this year. I just want to wish you guys that I love you very much. I lost all of you because you guys were very sick which I cannot bear it. Never mind, Bobbi and Bubu as I let you guys to afterlife where you can meet a lot of friends and food there. Bobbi, please take care your little sister, Bubu there. I should end my writing here. I hope that we will meet again and united back in afterlife by God’s will. Enjoy your life there, Bobbi and Bubu.

In Memoriam of Bobbi and Bubu.

You had to go to early. I wanted you to be the one, who brings me to the altar, when I get married one day. I think it’s my fault that you’re dead. If we visited you the weekend before you died, you probably wouldn’t be dead. I love you and I miss you. I cry a lot if someone show me things that reminds me of you. If I start playing the piano I play the song you showed me once at first. Dad, are you on a better place where you are right now? Do you have any pain? I hope you and Beethoven are talking about the symphonies he wrote. You liked his music very much. And I hope you and the woman you loved and the child what wasn’t born before she died in an car accident before you married mom are living together. I hope you’re good, there where you are. I love you and I miss you.

Hi, dad’s dad! I know you’re somewhere I couldn’t wish to imagine, and I do not know if you’re in a good place but I do hope you are. You are a bad bad father, I just wanted you to know that, but your children have grown quite unlike you, so cheers to that. I’m sure you have made a good portion of difference on their lives, only it was short they can’t even remember. If you’re in heaven now, do know your children suffered hell here on Earth when you passed away. I’m your grandson, actually one of many of your grandsons. Some are living the good life, some dropped out of school, some are toddlers, but all of whom remembers nothing of you. I’ve seen your pictures, you and grandma. She is quite well, by the way. Gray and old, but well. Now, I have no idea why I’m writing to you . Might be because you’re the only dead person I know, or because I need you to watch over me. Don’t watch me right now, though. My father is getting a bit of a headache because I don’t really know if he cares about ... Read more

Hello! It’s your granddaughter! How are you guys doing up there? I hope you guys are doing great. Anyways, Happy Eid Al-Fitr! Sometimes,I wish you guys are here to celebrate it with us. But it’s okay, I hope you guys got to see us from above, we are still having fun. Your children, grandchildren are all doing great! I’m doing okay too, except I’m a little bit stressed out because my exams are coming soon. Most of your grandchildren are working, you know! 3 of them are married!! Times flies so fast. I’ll be 18 soon. However, this year’s Raya is a little different. Day 1 was a little bit dull for me, I have no idea why though. Day 2 was much better, I managed to talk to some of my cousins eventhough I’m an introvert and an awkward person. I had fun in day 2. Grandpa and grandma, yesterday I went back to The Place. Every time I am there, I can’t help it but to think back the sweet memories I had with you guys. I miss you guys. A lot. But it’s okay, God loves you guys more than I do. I still don’t ... Read more

I know you don’t know me… or my twin sister because You died a month after you married Mom and she never got to tell you that she was pregnant with us, but anyways I wanted to telll you that Mom misses you. She still drives that precious car of your around and repeatedly plays your music CDs. I think she’s hoping the rev of the engine will reach your ears up in heaven and tell you that she loves you. Avery and I grew up listening to Mom tell us stories of how you guys met when you were really young and she never left your side. She told us how she loved you since before she knew what the word meant and that it turned out you felt the same way. We thought it was the greatest love story ever. When we were four Mom said she drove us halfway across the United States to your hometown so she could take us to meet you. I don’t know how but I remember me and Avery tracing your name on the headstone with our little fingers. Mom said she felt you there with ... Read more

I honestly do not even know if you will be able to understand this letter because well it’s not in Spanish. Although you are an angel and angels are gifted and well I can’t write in Spanish so that settles that . It’s going to be 5 years now that you left and to this day I can’t get the idea in my head . There were so many things I had to tell you, I have been so lost and I can’t find my way out of this darkness. I remember it was 7 in the afternoon when I got a phone call. I was at work and the guys were playing music, I answered my phone and it was my aunt she asked how I was doing and told her I was working then there was silence I asked her if she was OK and she paused “honey I just want to tell you that your dad …… your dad is OK now , your Pa is not hurting anymore he is not pain he is in heaven now”, that is exactly what aunt Agus.. said to me.That is when i realized I was ... Read more

I know it’s been a year. Since I was a little kid, my mom used to tell me a story about how she gave birth to me. She told me you were the first one to carry me before mom and dad did. She told me how much you never wanted to see me cry, so you hurried to carry me to stop from crying. I know that was a long time ago, before you moved to Indiana Polis, yet I can’t even still remember a thing, even your touch and you face. Though, I’ve seen you on my mom’s photo album, smiling and looking straight directly to the camera. But I wanted to see you in person. There were days that you called mom, over the telephone, because you missed her. You miss your lovely daughther. Everytime my mom calls my name to let me have a conversation with you, I started to feel like I don’t want to. There are days that I just ran away pretending that I didn’t hear mom. When I was 11 years old, you heard the news about my little brother, that he faint in the middle of the school hallway. ... Read more