"More than a stunning debut. It is the announcement of a bold new literary voice"
—Stephen Chbosky, author of The Perks of Being a Wallflower

It’s been almost two years now, since I told you how I feel about you. I’m sure you probably won’t ever see this…but even though that may be the case, I’m going to write this anyway. I wasn’t in love with the idea of being with you. I was and still am in love with you. We don’t really talk anymore, we drifted apart, just like we said we wouldn’t do. But I still love you. I still love your smile, the way you laughed about almost anything, the way your hair smelled. It’s been almost two years and I’m still crying, wishing we would have had our chance, wishing I would have kissed you the night we stood in the parking lot talking to each other till one in the morning. I miss your hugs, I miss catching you look at me when no one was watching, I miss the cute little messages that lit up my phone. I kept the messages, I can’t bring myself to get rid of them. I still listen to sledgehammer every single day, because it was our code word. I would give up everything in my life for you. In a heartbeat. ... Read more

You are not dead. You are still living, breathing, and alive. But to me, you might as well be dead. I don’t remember you. Mom says that I lived with you until I was around one, but I cannot remember a thing. You hated going to the courts to pay Child Fund, but you also told my mom countless of times to let me live with you. Why? You don’t know me. You don’t know the foods I like or the movies that make me cry and smile. You don’t know what I look like now. You know only my name and the face I wore as a baby.

You are a stranger.

It hasn’t even been 3 years since you’ve been gone and already everything has changed. We haven’t seen Perette around at all even though mom always leaves soda bread at the door when she doesn’t answer. The few times I’ve seen her since the wake the happiness in her eyes has gotten less and less. I didn’t just lose you when you died though, I lost your son too; my best friend. He’s gotten into the wrong crowd and no matter how hard I try I can’t get him back. That hurts almost as much as losing you. I can’t imagine how hard it is for bit of them though, losing a husband and a father. I had such a hard time trying to get back to normal after you died. I had to go to the guidance counselor so many times for breaking down in the middle of class and I couldn’t stand the way she looked at me and asked questions so I just started skipping classes to cry in the bathroom. I still get upset when I see the bench they dedicated to you, or when my dad tries to make grilled corn ... Read more

Hey.. It’s your granddaughter, again. I needed someone to talk to, but everyone’s so busy in their own life, I don’t want my problems to be added in their own problems. So I’ll just rant here for awhile okay? I took my English oral examination today. I don’t know, I think I did badly. I was stuttering, nervous, I felt like crying when I was talking to the examiners. After the exam, I immediately burst out, I cried. I cried because I thought I fucked up. I thought that’s the end, I’m going to fail my whole national exam now and I have no future anymore. But then, I realised I was just over thinking. But I just couldn’t stop crying because I was so disappointed in myself. It’s so so difficult, my life is so difficult. I really want to give up, but I know I can’t. I can’t disappoint my parents, teachers and.. Myself. I have to persever a couple of months more and I’ll be done. I just want to make my family proud, that’s all. And it’s so hard. I am so terrified that I might lost my motivation because of this. I’m scared that ... Read more

Do you think I should join you soon? Does it not hurt there? Because it hurts here so much.

Its been a while, huh. You have been gone for almost 5 months, and well like the world says, its supposed to get easier, but it isn’t getting any easier. It’s getting harder and harder. You have no idea how i am handling myself. I miss you everyday, all the time. You came as a blessing in my life, taught me to care for someone, to love someone more than anything. I love you, i still do, and i always you. If my words get to you, just help me get through this life alright 🙂 Really need your help. Life was a lot easier when you were in it. Now, doesn’t even feel like life. I feel dead inside. Wherever you are, just wait for me alright, i will fulfill all your dreams, and my parents too, and then i’ll come to you 😉 & we will be back in this world again together, because our story cannot end like this. Our story cannot end like this. Your love has been holding me straight up all this time after you are gone, just be with me. I know you are my angel now, who i cannot see but is always around me guiding me, ... Read more

So today was the first day, and what can I say? I’m scared. Most of the students are way much older than me, and some of them seem to be like… you know ‘creídos’. The building is cool, but I’m afraid of the exams, the projects, and the homeworks. But hey, it is said that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, right?

I just hope that tomorrow everything will be better, that I’ll be able to talk to my classmates, and maybe get some friends, and that the new subjects will be great.

Please, Grandpa, help me. I beg you… And please, don’t leave me alone.

Love you and miss you

I miss you so much. Sister and I joined our father to celebrate his birthday with him and we saw your wife. We love her so much too, and when she talked about you, I could notice love in her eyes and I thought of you and I realized that I miss you so very much and I wish you were here.

Tomorrow, I’ll go to college. What can I say? I’m nervous, I’m excited, and I’m scared. But I want to think that I will finally find a school where I would be myself, that I’llegar find amazing friends, that I’ll continue getting really good grades, and that I’llegar feel happy at last.

I love you, Grandpa. I love you so very much.

P.S. Wish me luck! 🙂

You helped so many people (including me) through a lot of things. Linkin Park had a huge effect on my life, it helped me through bullying, through breakups, through my sexual assault, everything that was shit in my life didn’t feel like shit because I would put in headphones, listen to Hybrid Theory and forget the word existed. Thank you for helping so many people, I’m sorry we couldn’t help you.

Its been a while. Almost 3 years and it still feels like you just left. They said it was supposed to get easier to deal with, but its just gotten harder. When I first found out, I was in English, 4th period, room A104, and the whole world collapsed. Lizz texted me “wait Nicks dead?”. I was one of the last to find out. I felt so heartbroken, someone I was so close to left me and I didn’t know until the next morning. No wonder why you never responded to my texts. Sandra blames her mom, since she wouldn’t drive you home that night, and a part of me wants to blame her too. If she would have just driven you the ten minutes across town, you’d still be here. breathing and making everything feel okay again. Part of me blames you, why were you so stupid to be in the road? Why weren’t you paying attention. If you were over 5 feet on the sidewalk you never would have gotten hit. You would have still been here. I pass the spot almost everyday, and everyday I miss you a little more. I haven’t stopped though. I don’t know ... Read more