"More than a stunning debut. It is the announcement of a bold new literary voice"
—Stephen Chbosky, author of The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Two weeks ago mom found you on our bathroom floor with your wrists cut open. Blood was everywhere. She screamed, daddy called 911, Ry held me as I cried. You were my big sister Kell. How could you do this to yourself? You were only 16! You had so much to live for. Ryan still blames himself, he wishes he had seen the signs. He’s our big brother, he feels like it’s his job to protect us. Dad is in Europe for business. Mom insisted he went. Mom cries. All the time. She just stares out windows and doesn’t like to leave her room so granny and grandpa have been taking care of us. Even though Ryan is 19, we’re all hurting and need each other to lean on. I’m only 12 so everybody is treating me with kid gloves, saying it was an accident. But they don’t know that I know about the note you left, that I Googled “suicide” when I heard it come out of the paramedics mouth. Matthew comes over still to check on us. He really loved you Kelly. He was your boyfriend you could have talked to him. You could have talked to your ... Read more

Two weeks ago mom found you on our bathroom floor with your wrists cut open. Blood was everywhere. She screamed, daddy called 911, Ry held me as I cried. You were my big sister Kell. How could you do this to yourself? You were only 16! You had so much to live for. Ryan still blames himself, he wishes he had seen the signs. He’s our big brother, he feels like it’s his job to protect us. Dad is in Europe for business. Mom insisted he went. Mom cries. All the time. She just stares out windows and doesn’t like to leave her room so granny and grandpa have been taking care of us. Even though Ryan is 19, we’re all hurting and need each other to lean on. I’m only 12 so everybody is treating me with kid gloves, saying it was an accident. But they don’t know that I know about the note you left, that I Googled “suicide” when I heard it come out of the paramedics mouth. Matthew comes over still to check on us. He really loved you Kelly. He was your boyfriend you could have talked to him. You could have talked to your ... Read more

It’s funny how everyone seems invincible until they aren’t. You are the one who taught me that I can be whoever I want to be and not care even the slightest bit what anyone thinks. You taught me about freedom and I truly believe that it’s because of you that I’m where I am today. You are too good for this planet, that’s for sure.

On this summer vacations, I had the chance and honour to meet you through 3 of your movies.

First, I watched ’10 Things I Hate About You’. What can I say? I think that now thanks to you, I have really high expectatives on love. I mean, Patrick made a deal with the school band and he sang beautifully to the girl he liked, and it was so romantic! Since I watched that scene, one of my wishes is to see someone doing something like your character did.

Then, I watched ‘A Knight’s Tale’. Please let me say, that I really admired William’s bravery and courage. I also admired that he first began with the competitions to help his friends and to make his father proud. The scene where he has to face an angry crowd was incredible I mean how could he be with his head on high that was so brave and noble. But some of the best, was that he never gave up.

And finally, the last film I watched was ‘Batman: The Dark Knight’. Maybe I’m crazy, but I fell in love with The Joker. I mean, he’s crazy, terrifying, unique, strong and powerful. Anither thing that I really ... Read more

Sometimes I kind-of wonder what it would be like to be you. I mean not the whole dying part, or the hard partying substance abuser part, but the part that everyone aspires to. The person who left happiness he went. One of my favorite of your quotes is, “Be nice to everyone, always smile and appreciate things because it could all be gone tomorrow.” And I guess that’s what happened to you.

Then now and there I would think about you would do you in heaven, (if you actually are there.) Would you be listening to Reo Speedwagon, or Journey, or some kind of Classic Rock? Would you be thinking of the people you left behind, or disappointed when you mixed heroin and booze during that unfortunate night in that Canada hotel? Or maybe you would be writing letters like us, except to the living instead of the dead? Would you be thinking of the best or of the worst times? Ugh, so many questions not enough answers, and if only you were alive many, many people wouldn’t have gone through the grief they did, some more than others but you know what I mean.

Others may hate ... Read more

Escrevo para dizer, que talvez todos ja estejamos mortos. Mortos de alma, mortos de muito odio e falta de empatia. Para mim, a morte pode ser muitas coisas, esta por exemplo. E mesmo que você não perceba, isso vai acabar te matando. Tente não ser o que te faz mal, e tente ser alguém melhor. Ainda há tempo, de se tornar vivo. Basta querer.

It’s been about 3 months since you died and mom is still healing. I’m still healing. It’s hard to get over you whenever you were in my life for 11 years. You were my step dad but I looked up to you like an actual dad. So did my brother. His dad walked out on him, just like how my dad also walked away from him. You were his everything but then you made wrong decisions and ended up dying because of drugs. Now my brother is on a bad path. You made so many promises and broke my mom’s heart, you broke my heart. I don’t hate you though. You just had a bad childhood and fell into a hole. You tried to save yourself but you were too late. You were lost and couldn’t be found. Now we have to move on. I miss you everyday and miss your jokes and hearing the sound of your truck pulling up. I miss the sound of your boots on the kitchen tile and the way you made mom smile. I wish things could have been different and I wish drugs didn’t take you away. I’m starting my sophomore year now ... Read more

Even though you’re just a character from a book, your death affected me. You couldn’t stand all the hate people gave you. Your mind wouldn’t go quiet. But you met Violet and you had a reason to live. Why did you have to go? Why did you leave her? But I hope you’re in a better place now. A place where you can wander. A place designed by Theodore Finch.

So it’s only been 2 months since you’ve been gone. And even though I never really knew anything deep about you, or talked to you, I miss you so much…Ever since the car crash everyone has been different. The hardest part was hearing the tallest and biggest guy on the football team sobbing so hard behind me that it sounded like he was dying. And it really scared me the other day when I went through your twitter account. You tweeted “first part of summer 2016 has been amazing”. It just hit me. That could’ve been me. That could have been all of us. But now that you’re gone, a piece of all of us is missing. Everyone misses you so much, and we all think about you every day. And just know we’ll all still think of you, for the rest of our lives because we all love you. I know where you are it’s sunny everyday and everybody is together as one and there is so much love you feel like you’re going to explode, in the good kind of way.

I miss you.