"More than a stunning debut. It is the announcement of a bold new literary voice"
—Stephen Chbosky, author of The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Dalawang taon na ang nakakalipas pero maalala ko rin yung araw na nalaman ko na namatay ka.

Kasama namin sa Nanay at si Ate G, may nakuhang tawag si nanay at sinabi nila na namatay ka sa Bor acay at dadalhin sa ang bangkay mo sa punenerarya dito. Ang nakakasakit yung punerarya mo, umiyak ng todo si Tita Michelle, Tita Mercy at yung mga anak. Sinubukan kong hindi umiyak ngunit sa huling araw, lumabas lahat ng luha.

Sinasabi ko po sa inyo na kailagan ninyo tumigil sa pagsisigarilyo. Nakita ko po na sa loob, nasasaktan ka pagkatapos na namatay si Papa. Kung sana pinilit kita, baka buhay ka pa po tito.

Tinanong ko kahapon sa tatay ko kung ano yung naramdam niya noong nawala ka at bakit hindi siya umiyak, ” I felt hurt but I never regretted when he was still alive, when I had the chance when we I pick up Mom, I visit him. I contributed my time to him whenever I have” sa mga salita na yun. Ikaw yung rason kung bakit paborito ko yung lumpiang shanghai at nasilbing kuya ninya tatay at mga tita.

Alam ko na hindi matatangal ang sakit na nadarama namin ... Read more

I did a little research and found out your parents came from Syria and went Quebec, Montreal. As you grew older, you became a manager and after getting divorced from two wives found Celine Dion and choose to manage her at the young age of 12. Admittedly, I simply admire Celine when I was even little. It all happened on weekends, we’d go to this grocery store inside a mall. It so happened that a DVD store was in front of it and I caught a glance of a clip playing Celine singing in one of her concerts in Las Vegas. A spark of curiosity ignited inside of me and I asked my parents if they could buy it for me. They did. As soon as I knew it, my interest in her grew more and more as I grew older. Yet not in the bad, crazy way. My favorite song was “Taking Chances”, It just screamed something inside of me. She sang it with such confidence that it scared me. ” I just wanna start again” she sang. And maybe we all do too, Rene. If God would have given me the chance to take back all of the ... Read more

You died five years ago, today. You didn’t know. You didn’t see all the beautiful things that were going to be in your future. You were clouded with thoughts from the past and they blinded you. You were scared, you were young, you were numb. I wish I could have done more and I know Craig yelled and told me it was all my fault you were gone and for the longest time, I believed it. But I know its not true. I feel you still. I feel your comforting presense and I know youre watching out for me, and trust me I need it. I love you. You were my first best friend, you were the first person to listen to me, you were the first person to tell me to stay strong. I wish you could have stayed strong, but its ok. Its ok to break. Its ok. It wasnt your fault. Nothing was your fault. You just wanted freedom, and its ok. I miss you. I miss your laugh and your smile and your songs and your hugs. I miss you so much. Im in Hawaii now, lol right? Who woulda thought little old chrissy would end ... Read more

I know you aren’t dead but you aren’t here and i don’t want to send a letter like this to you. Eden (The Eden Project) is playing near us. And the tickets are really cheap. I wish we could see him together, you are the one who introduced his music to me. That would be cool. What’s your favorite song by him? I wish you were back home, everyone misses you. Whenever we get a letter from you I cry, I don’t know why. I hope they aren’t doing anything too harsh. Come home soon.

I miss you big brother, you were my protector, you were everything to me. I wanted to say thank you Adrian, because you were always there when I was feeling down. I miss you so so much, brother. I miss those days when you used to put music in the car when you were taking me to the high school. I miss the way “How you remind me” sound in your voice, i miss everything. I miss you being overprotective when some boy was trying something with me. I miss our late night talks. Mom is not ok, it’s been one year and she tries to hide it, but i know that she feels really bad. She’s in a depression, brother. Dad, tries to be the strong in the family, but you can see the pain in his eyes. I remember when you taught me what good music was, you put a lot of bands in my computer and you were explaining me every detail of every band. Kurt Cobain was my favorite, you knew that and you gave me a necklace of Nirvana the next day, now I never take it off. I knew that you sometimes did drugs, but ... Read more

I am writing this because your music makes me feel something. I’m not quite sure what that feeling is but, I think it’s a good one. Your songs are so beautiful, you sound like you are just trying to live through them. They’re so powerful. Your voice is powerful. I wish you were still alive, even though that is selfish of me.

I’m sad you left your daughter, thinking you weren’t good enough. I’m sad she didn’t get to know you. I’m sad that things like this happen everyday. I wish they didn’t. I wish people got the attention and help they need everyday. I wish the world was a better place.

I’m sorry you had to see horrible things. I’m sorry the media misinterpreted the meaning of your songs. I’m sorry.

If my aunt is telling me stories about you, you are a wonderful, brave, untouchable, mysterious, cruel and a very hurted person. Even if you are my grandmother I never knew you, at least my dad saw you three times in his life at the first you born him at the other two you yell at him. You where addicted to morphine but freed yourself from it, you wrote a book of really amazing poems, you were in love with a Jewish, although you lived during the 2nd WW in Germany and Austria, Your live is always going to be a big mysterious question tag and I would have Loved meeting you in person or at least come to know you some better. I do admire you for your unbreakable strength and I do loathe you for the way you have treated your children and for the heritage you left behind. I think we would have been able to stand each other good. By the way, we have saved your book from Amazon last week, we are going to take good care of it. Vani has got four little children, it doesn’t comes easy to her. Chrissi ... Read more

I’m sorry we only saw you three times. I wish I could have learned more about you, about what it was like when you were a little girl. What was it like being 100 and alive? Was it difficult? I wish we had visited more often. So many things have happened since you were gone. The way I found out you were dead was on Facebook. I hate Facebook now. What was it like living through the Great Depression. I wish I could have asked you these questions. I miss you. Everyone does..

It’s been almost two years since you left us, you fought three years against cancer plus diabete, but you couldn’t take it. Today would be your 10th birthday, so happy birthday! I miss you a lot… I hope everything is great where you are, hopefully it will take a long time till I join you, not that I don’t want to meet, it’s just that is not my time yet. Also I just want you to remember that you will always be in my heart ❤️ Love you forever and forever!

It’s been just over 8 months since you left us and I still struggle with accepting that you are gone. I wish you knew just how much everyone loved you, I wish you knew how much you meant to all of us. Mom is not ok. She still cries all the time. She holds us all tighter and seems so much more …. I don’t know lonelier. You were the golden child for her. It’s true. You could never do anything wrong. And now you’ve broken not just her heart but all of our hearts. Your dad isn’t handling it well either. He’s not drinking but he’s gone back to pills. As for your youngest sister she is coping on her own. Dude, her and I used to be close and now she won’t talk to me. She leans on her roommate instead. And that’s killing me. I wish she’d talk to me and spend time with me, I feel like I’m loosing her too. You other sister is well … She’s handling it probably better than all of us. Her and I have gotten a bit closer and that’s good. But she’s always been a more private person than the ... Read more