"More than a stunning debut. It is the announcement of a bold new literary voice"
—Stephen Chbosky, author of The Perks of Being a Wallflower

you’re not gone. just wanted to say, i love you and your book. please keep on writing more books.

“Okyanusunuz sizin olsun, Nehiri bana bırakın.”

Bir gün Nehir Anka, Sıradan bir günde değil Ekimin sonuncu cumasında Salındı bir tuvalet boşluğunda Sarı saçları boyanmıştı siyaha Ve solgun burun delikleri beyaza Gözlerini yumdu, Veda ederken hayata. Artık bulamazsınız onu, Kapanmış perdelerin arkasında. Dokunamazsınız onun, Bir yüksük büyüklüğündeki saçlarına. Öpemezsiniz onun, Çatlamış pembe dudaklarından. Tutamazsınız onun, Donmuş ince parmaklarından. Üzülmeyin ama görebilirsiniz onu, Çenenizi belirli bir yüksekliğe kaldırdığınızda. Bulabilirsiniz onu, Her gözlerinizi kırptığında. Dokunabilirsiniz ona, Uzatırsanız ellerinizi, Yeterince uzağa. Öpebilirsiniz onu, Sert taştan mezarından. Ve isterseniz tutabilirsiniz onu, Tutanacak kimse kalmadığında, hayatta.

Eu sinceramente não lhe entendo. Por que tem que ter um fim? Por que de repente, do nada, nós morremos? Do nada todas as minhas lembranças sejam felizes ou sejam infelizes, se esvaem. Meu corpo se apaga, e depois de algum tempo sou esquecida. Sei que acontece com todo mundo. Mas isso é inaceitável. É como se eu escrevesse um livro de quinhentos capítulos, ou até um de cinco capítulos, e o deleto. Todas as histórias, todas as fases, todos os momentos felizes, todas as conquistas simplesmente somem! Que diabos?! Do nada, eu paro de produzir lembranças, do nada eu paro de sorrir, do nada eu não posso mais sentir o doce cheiro de café da manhã, do nada eu paro de enxergar as cores de tudo, do nada eu não tenho mais amigos, do nada eu nunca verei mais meu cachorro, do nada nunca mais falarei com meus pais, do nada deixarei de existir. Eu não aceito.

I told you I’m reading a book that’s sadder than I thought it would be but in a beautiful way. Well, in the back of the book the (amazing) author was so kind as to create a website like this where the readers can go to talk to someone who is gone… Now, I know haven’t lost you yet but I can feel that it’s coming. Something inside of me is telling me our end is near and although I’m sad, I want you to know that it’s okay. I know you don’t want to hurt me but in things like this someone is always hurt, and I’d rather it be me a million times over. Whatever the reason, it’s okay, I promise. Just know I love you and these past almost 10 months have been filled with our highs and lows and I’m grateful for everyone of them. Take care of yourself, please.

We haven’t spoken in weeks, and we never will again. The days spent with you are dead, dead to me, at least. Enough happened in the span of your wings that I should hate you. I can’t hate you. I’m trying hard to hate you, so hard that my eyes can hardly see straight, but I can’t hate you. I wish you never did what you did to me. You led to my demise, and honestly I felt like Kurt Cobain spiraling down a path of drug dependency and dirty apartments and unwashed hair. Sophomore year, you were a dark tunnel and I was on my hands and knees, desperate to get to the other side but thinking if I just coped various ways it would be like I had made it. Your dishonesty and trickery has left me a fragile shell of a person and I’m slowly trying to rebuild what you destroyed. But you were good, so good, in a sweet way that stings because it’s not actually sweet. You opened up doors to me. Sylvia Plath. My own dependency upon others. I hope you know that I hate you when the sky is overcast, but I love ... Read more

I’m not quite sure where I stand with you, I haven’t spoken to you in months yet I still hope that you come up to me like you used to. I don’t know if you still feel that way. I feel like we missed each other. You may or may not have had your crush on me in yr7 but that was when I barely concidered looking at you as a friend. Now, over time I don’t like to admit that I have grown a crush on you and its really nagging away at me inside. I want it to go because every time I look at you I feel it and I don’t think you feel that way anymore. I f you do I want to tell you. I want to be with you, I want to feel loved. Now that I like you, maybe you’ve moved on. To other people I’m really quiet and probably come across as snobby and uninterested and nerdy. I hope you don’t see me like that because thats just my outer layer, my protection from the world. I want you to see my inside. Whatever ... Read more

I was so drawn into your book that I completed it in one day. I have lost people in my life, but I was more drawn to Laurel’s need to let go of the past and open up about what happened to her. Your book has stayed with me since I finished it.

In between the black and white is the grey. In the heart of the grey is purpose. In purpose, your book is found. Thank you.

I’m merely a reader of this magical novel by Ava and I’ve fallen in love with you like so many others. Laurel’s letters make me believe that there is hope for something after death, that you’ve gone to some sort of heaven. I’m not quite as religious as Aunt Amy, but I do believe that there is more to our lives after we go. You and Laurel make me believe not only in this but that there is hope for those that live to see death. We can be okay again.

I never really knew you. When I was younger, I used to pretend that you had to leave Mom, Laura, Cam, and I because you were secretly a government agent and were out there in the world doing cool spy things, but you’d always come back for my music recitals and be watching somewhere within the crowd, proud of me. It’s a nice thought. Better than believing that you just abandoned your family because of the drugs and booze. I still don’t understand how someone could chose that life over your wife, daughters, and son. I honestly don’t get why substances that can hold that kind of power and control over someone are allowed to exist. I wish they didn’t so I wouldn’t have to imagine what our lives would have been like. I’m not angry anymore. I’m not even that sad. I feel bad for you. That you let something control your life so fully that you ended up missing out on so much awesomeness that is my family. Your would-have-been family. I just wanted to say that I forgive you because as of yesterday I have finished my first year of high school. I’m a Sophomore now. ... Read more