"More than a stunning debut. It is the announcement of a bold new literary voice"
—Stephen Chbosky, author of The Perks of Being a Wallflower

I can’t beleive your gone. It’s only been a day since I’ve found out but you’ve been gone for over a month. It hurts to think you’ll never get to be past 25. You were young. Did you do it on purpose or did you think there would still be a tomorrow for you? Have you watched over me? I would have found out tomorrow but I decided to dig through google about my past, looking up names that I know. What if Maykayla hates you when she grows up? I won’t let her. Did you think about us? Me. Dad, Hunter, Maykayla? Or was it us, things you didn’t have anymore, that drove you to continue? What if I hadn’t avoided you and tried to contact you sooner? Could I have helped you, or just caused myself more pain? I’ll talk to you later. I love you.

I can’t beleive your gone. It’s only been a day since I’ve found out but you’ve been gone for over a month. It hurts to think you’ll never get to be past 25. You were young. Did you do it on purpose or did you think there would still be a tomorrow for you? Have you watched over me? I would have found out tomorrow but I decided to dig through google about my past, looking up names that I know. What if Maykayla hates you when she grows up? I won’t let her. Did you think about us? Me. Dad, Hunter, Maykayla? Or was it us, things you didn’t have anymore, that drove you to continue? What if I hadn’t avoided you and tried to contact you sooner? Could I have helped you, or just caused myself more pain? I’ll talk to you later. I love you.

I remember the day you died. I was only twelve, but I can still hear my dad sighing loud and saying “She was one of the good ones” when we heard about it on the radio. Now, five years from your death and two from his, those memories seem to be stick to my soul forever. I wonder if you two met over there… Wherever “there” is. I like to think there is actually something more to life and death. That we don’t just leave this world like we were never in it in the first place. Kind of like heaven, I guess…

My dad was nothing like yours, maybe if he had been, I wouldn’t miss him as much. Is it terrible that I sometimes wish he would have been a worse dad so my pains stops? But the thing is… He wasn’t. He was the best dad I could ever ask for, or anyone for that matter. He was the kind of dad who took you and picked you up from school everyday. The one who would never ever miss a school play, even if you’re playing a tree, he would be standing there with his proud look. ... Read more

I’ve written countless letters to you before, even before I read “Love Letters to the Dead”, but since I just re read it I remembered how long it’s been. When I reached the last page I saw a link to where to write a letter if you want to. I decided to use this opportunity to tell you that I wish you were still here, because you deserve to be here despite your mistakes. I’ve told you so many times before in other letters, but I really, truly mean it. You seemed to make the world such a better place when you were here. But Kurt, I also wanted to say that despite me loving you so much… I have to say that I think you made some horrible decisions that make me angry with you, even now, years later. Even though I was born after you died…. It’s just, dammit Kurt. Why would you think that doing drugs would help? Why would you think that killing yourself would help? It didn’t. It only left your wife, your friends, and the rest of the world to grieve over you. I know you’re smarter than that. There was a time ... Read more

Today, Carrie and Ma were talking about Robert and how dad wants to keep in touch to use him for his cement and Ma said “You know the foundation on the house in town is cracked, if we can get him to fix it then maybe, after, we won’t need to keep him around for the debt he owes dad.” Carrie replied with “Yes, that’s fine, I just don’t want to be there while he’s doing it.” I wasn’t speaking just listening, and watching Carrie’s face get long and for a minute she was opening up about how sad it all made her, I could see for a second how her jaw unhinged like how it does right before a child is going to cry. Her eyebrows started drawing together and I could feel how she felt, I understood how deeply she regretted the mistake of marrying such a terrible man. I know you were probably there with us watching her, feeling her feelings, being apart of the conversation the way I was but it was so derailing to see someone I see as stable become unstable even if it was for 24 seconds. I get the same feeling when ... Read more

I miss you. and a lot of the time I feel like I don’t have the right to miss you. Because I wasn’t as good of a friend as I should have been and I’m sorry. I treated you like a sometimes friend because half the time our friendship scared me. You had so much going on inside you that was eating you up so you decided that you didn’t want to feel those things anymore. I have so many regrets when it comes to our friendship: how when I went away to college and you stayed at home I didn’t talk to you about how that made you feel, how I hadn’t seen you in weeks because I was busy and I’m terrible at conversation not in person, how I didn’t respond to that last text you sent me the day before you ended your life.

I’m sorry you felt like the world would be better off without you. I’m sorry I couldn’t be there for you. I’m sorry I failed to be the friend you deserved. I’m sorry for everything. I’m so sorry.

Today I realized something really importnat when I was watching a video about you. I don’t listen to your music – to One Direction – anymore because I kinda grew up. But I know I will always love you. You were a big part of my life and because of you I met a lot of friends I would never know about. I found my bestfriend because of you. When I was watching that video, I really started to cry because I realized that you are the kind of a boy I would never talk to. And I know that a boy like would never fall in love with me. Maybe I’m wrong, maybe it is possible, but in that moment I was so shocked because I always felt like somehow you would fall in love with me. Even thought it’s a stupid idea, I know how ridiculous it sounds. And now I realized that a boy just like you actually fell in love with me. And I loved him too. Yes…I loved him. But now he has another girlfriend and I’m happy for him. We are just friends who talk sometimes. I’d probably still talk to him every day like I used ... Read more

Ever since you passed away, things have changed. I’ve come to realize that people take everything for granted, you never know when the last time is that you’ll see someone, and everyone plays around with that. The image from the last time I saw you sitting on the bus will forever be buried in my mind, what if I had just gotten up to go say hi? At least I would have known that was our last conversation. I will forever miss such a kind soul, who made everyone feel important. Love you

I’m so sorry. If I had known you were serious about what you were doing I would have called someone or tried to help. If I had known that, that night when you said you were going to bed you were really going to take your own life I would have tried to be there and do something. I love you Joseph. Even though you are gone I know you will always be with me. I try to think about the light you brought into my life instead of the darkness that came when you left. I’m getting a tattoo in honor of you Joseph. You are the half of my heart that has wings and i hope that you aren’t in pain anymore.

In two months you will have been gone for six years. It still doesn’t seem real. To this day my heart skips a beat when I get a phone call thinking that it’s you on the other end. I was only ten when you passed so I never really knew what that meant. Yes I was sad, but I didn’t fully process you were gone. It seems the older I get the more I miss. To thoughs who said it gets easier with time, you’re WRONG! It’s gets harder. Much harder. I’m starting to forget little things about you…about us and that terrifies me. I’m scared that one day I won’t remember anything. I still however can remember your voice. Every so often while sitting in silence I can hear you calling me “Hey girl.” Because you called me every name but my own. I remember the way you smelt when I hugged you and how you used to wash your hair with bars of soap. Ew. I remember how you had to ware a hat when in the sun or else your ears would burn. Memaw gave me that hat. It’s sitting on my dresser. Sometimes I ... Read more