"More than a stunning debut. It is the announcement of a bold new literary voice"
—Stephen Chbosky, author of The Perks of Being a Wallflower

You were an artist like no other. You knew how to paint your emotions in a way that made you the most humane of all… I can’t find the exact words to describe how I feel currently, but I will say this. I love you Nate. I loved you in a way that you could never love yourself. I never understood how; how could someone with such an exquisite soul find the room for such self contradiction. A lover of the stars you were, and maybe you’re up there. Somewhere. Lost in a paradise of your dreams where you would sleep in the clouds and paint the sky, not with color, but with the emotions of the lost, the loved, and the lonely.

I’ll use you as a focal point….

I can’t breathe right now. It hit me tonight. That you aren’t coming back to me. I should have known when you you stopped texting me, when the hugs stopped, when you stopped smiling when I walked through the door at work.

I look like a crazy person, saying I’m in tears. I hardly knew you. But I was trying to learn everything I could about you. I’ve never taken the time to sit and simply ask random questions to anyone. But with you, I did. I wanted to know it all. Still do.

Last night, as you usually do, you had me listen to another song, once again this one full of love and affection. Neither of which I am giving or receiving from you. This time, I asked why you listen to these songs when you yourself struggle to be as affectionate. You said you listen to them because you want to be that affectionate, you want someone to express that to. Which makes sense.

I just wish that someone was me. I wish I could return that affection. Instead, I’m laying on my bed, in tears, listening to every single song you’ve ... Read more

Okay. I really don’t know why I’m writing you a letter. You don’t have eyes, so you can’t see or read. You’re dead so you’re not able to feel anything. But whatever, I have to say this. So you’ll know how stupid you are for letting yourself feel those kind of emotion.

You let yourself happy because of temporary things, that’s the first stupid thing that you made. You knew, at the beginning that that was only a temporary happiness made by a temporary people. But you still hopelessly hope that maybe people change and they will choose to stay.

You let yourself fall in love, stupidest yeah. Why? What are you thinking? Why you let your heart fall? Everything that falls may break or may get hurt. Insane! Wishful thinking.

You let other people hurt you. Even though, they don’t deserve it and they’re not worth it. I don’t understand what you did. Why you letting them hurt you again and again.

You let yourself die. You let them bury you alive. You let them kill you softly and painfully without saying anything.

And now you’re dead. And I want you to be alive not to get hurt again but to let you feel ... Read more

To anyone who does not truly know me, you are simply, me.

But you were the version I never wanted to be. The one who hated herself. The one who was scared, and isolated herself. The one who could never love anything she created. The one who just didn’t believe in herself.

You controlled my life beyond belief. I ignored all of my dreams, my passions. Everything. You let depression, anxiety, and eating disorders cloud your vision. You let the dark part of your mind control your entire life, and it got you nowhere.

But I am no longer you. I fought, and I fought, and I dragged myself out of that dark, deep hole, and I started becoming the person I truly want to be.

And I met someone! That was one of the things you would always tell me. ‘No one could ever love you. You are just some ugly, lazy, fat girl that no one could ever like.’ But I met her, and she’s made me so happy. She cares, unlike the others, and she’s helping me so much.

So this is farewell, for I have finally left you behind. I will no longer be controlled by you. ... Read more

I want to thank you. You helped me become the person I am today by fostering my love of music. This fall I marched with my school’s marching band at competition three times and achieved superior ratings. I want to thank you for teaching me my first instrument. I also want to thank you for introducing me to so many great bands and telling me stories of their adventures.

Obviously you’re not dead, but I have a lot to say. You stole my shit, lmao. Well $20 and my Game Boy Advance. I touched your twinkle. It was ‘Okay’ I guess. Remember me now? Anyway I just wanted to say hello and I want my shit back….

You Suck.

In the sky, a star is shining, a bright light So far from my heart, which derives I’m sure it’s you, and from up there you see me But I’m so scared to go on without thee

Please, help me, I’m lost in the darkness They’re so deep, so gloomy and me, I’m armless I wish you could hear me, but you’re gone You left me alone, and disappear below the horizon

You let all of us without saying goodbye I would have liked to save you, but now it’s too late To repair all our mistakes, to realize all our dreams To tell you again “I love you” even if you already knew

It’s hard, but it’s life and we should accept it But accept life, I never really done it And when I think about you, I hope from the bottom of my heart That I’ll never forget our moments of carefree happiness.

You are not dead, but it sure feels like you aren’t living in my life. I still remember the day you told me you were moving, it was in the summer of 4th grade. We had been best friends for about 5 years, and I was heart broken that you were leaving. You kept in touch a lot though, and every opportunity you got, you invited me over for sleepovers. Every year that I came I would feel more distant from you, in my head I thought it made sense because you had a whole new life, new friends and new everything. But everything changed one summer. I still remember that day when I slept over at your house, we had such a good time. Everything was going so well, until the last day you decided that even though I can only visit once a year, you wanted to hang out with your crush and his friends. You wanted to drag me along to hang out with people I didn’t even know, and didn’t want to know. You may have thought I was being extremely difficult, but I just wanted to spend my last day with you. I don’t ... Read more

Wow I don’t really know where to start. I guess I should start out by saying how much I miss you. I miss you more than I thought possible. It’s a pain that never really goes away…and people say time heals everything but it’s been 10 years and I still hurt like hell. Although I’m handling it better than I used to. I’ll be 18 in a few weeks and it’s crazy to think you won’t be here to see me graduate and go to college. I’d like to think you would be proud of me if you were still here. You were my everything. I was definitely a daddy’s girl even if it was only for those 8 short years. I remember you like it was yesterday that we were taking our nightly walks in Petersburg. I was young but I still remember so many little details…they haunt me actually. I cannot describe how much it hurts to not have you here with me. It honestly fucked me up quite a bit. I’m coping now though. I’ve realized that if I hold on to this grief forever it will only prevent me from finding happiness. It helps to type ... Read more