"More than a stunning debut. It is the announcement of a bold new literary voice"
—Stephen Chbosky, author of The Perks of Being a Wallflower

I remember being little, yet I can’t remember you. I can remember the first time I tied my own shoelaces, the first time I went to an amusement park, the first time I did anything. But I don’t remember you. I was two when you died, and sometimes that’s hard because everyone else who misses you got to know you and love you, but I didn’t. I love you in a way that’s different than everyone else. I love you for all those times you tucked me in at night, for all those times you played with me, for being the model big sister that every little girl wants to have growing up. But I had you for two years, and then you were gone. Death is weird like that. One minute, everything is going great and then you get a huge punch in the gut from reality reminding you that nothing lasts forever and nothing ever stays. Nothing is forever. Sometimes I think about death and what happens after we die. I like to think that there is a better place we move onto from here, where it is always sunny and people have smiles on their faces. Sometimes ... Read more

I hope your happy wherever you are, I just want to say that I miss you so much and you didn’t deserve the things that happened to you. I want you to know that I would have been there for you, I would have helped you and it’s too late and am so sorry we all failed you… I love you and hope your happy now.

Wow. It’s been forever hasn’t it? Mom lied to me about the way you died – it was probably just for protection and I know she didn’t mean to lie but it was probably better for me anyways – I was young when it happened. I remember the night my dad told me the truth – which frankly my mom doesn’t know about – still. I want to ask her about it but I’m too afraid she’ll get upset. I mentioned you in therapy a while ago – I would rather talk to you anyways. I don’t remember a lot about you – my dad didn’t like you that much he didn’t like grandma either – he said it was your fault you two split apart. I don’t think it was your fault. I remembered how kind you were – how caring – I was young and I’d occasionally spill things on your carpet – it’s probably my most vivid memory of you – I remember spilling Coke or some type of soda on your carpet – my mom instantly yelled at me – told me how I wasn’t careful enough and when I started to cry you got ... Read more

I can’t put it into words I just feel like Laurel And you would be May You’re like her, Shiny, happy, special, But with a very deep hole inside And noone knew But me I didn’t understand what was happening I was too young But now i know And i’m scared Because now i can feel what you felt And now i understand Because i feel the same

It’s almost been 2 years without you. It’s not the same without you. I wish I could have just one more day to spend with you. I’m sorry I worked that Easter, I should’ve been there with you all instead of at work. I still remember that conversation we had that day. You thought I sliced donuts and I laughed and told you it was deli meats. I remember how you smell too. And I miss hearing your voice and you telling me the Yankees are better then the Red Sox. I can’t bring myself to watch a Red Sox game anymore, they remind me too much of you. I wish you could meet my boyfriend. I know you’d like him. He treats me amazingly. There’s so much I wish you could be a part of but I know you won’t be. I think about you everyday. I love you and I miss you. And I’ll see you soon.

I miss u so much. I can’t live another day without u in it. It hurts to even think about you. Now that ur gone everyone has been changing. Including School, home, and everywhere else.I can’t believe u left so soon and even at the age of 13. U were so beautiful and amazing. Sometimes I wish I could go back before u left us and be with u every second of the day. To know what u went threw. But everyone should know that GOD ONLY TAKES THE ONES THAT BELONG WITH HIM.I LOVE U EMMA. FLY HIGH.

I miss you a little more each day. I think what makes it harder is knowing I didn’t get to say goodbye. I’m sorry by the way… I’m sorry you went through all that pain. I’m sorry you had to deal with so much drama on your last days. Finally, I’m sorry you never made it home. When I learned you were moving back I was so excited. Mom told me you’d be living with grandma and that made me SUPER happy because she was your best friend. I was relieved. Finally something good was happening to you after all the bad that came your way. You never gave up your faith or hope. It’s funny. You kind of remind me of Aunt Amy. Into church and super Holy. But as you would always say… God has a reason for everything and he wanted you to be with him. An though I miss you like crazy I know you’re finally happy and pain free. I miss you Tia I do but I can assure you I never stop thinking of you. EVERYTIME I eat Ben & Jerry Phish food I smile and thank you quietly because thanks to you ... Read more

I remember how we would always play together and we would sit next to each other to eat dinner with grandma. I would always color you and her pictures. I miss that. I wrote a poem about you in the sixth grade. I know you could hear me read it to you at the poetry slam. I got fifth place. You passed away on Christmas Eve. I was angry that God took you that night, but grandma told me that He needed another angel. It has been eight years since you have passed away. Sometimes I miss you so much that I wish you would take me with you. I know that we will see each other again and everything will be okay. Let me know how you are doing where you are, okay? I love you with all my heart. You are my best friend.

I miss you so much. It’s been about 5 years and I still cry all the time. You were the best grandma I had. We used to make puzzles and play cards and do everything. I Wish you were still here. You died from cancer and I just miss you. It took you away from me and I hate it. It’s weird saying I hate a thing that has no emotions but I do. I hate that I’m still here and you aren’t. I wish I could be with you.

Sometimes when I enter my password on my phone I get this heavy weight on my chest. I know its sadness. I know its the weight of missing someone I didn’t know. I know its you. On the last night of the year, I cried with Alan in a bedroom, far away from the party downstairs because we aren’t strong enough to ignore the pain of not having you in our lives. I never had the chance to meet you, never knew your smile or your laugh, but I know your love. I know it because it is in the way my dad hugs my tight on holidays and reads at your grave. I know it because it is in the way all of your children take care of each other. I know it because they won’t forget it. I wonder who I would be if you were here, with me, experiencing everything that has happened. I wonder if you would have been happy when I was born, the only girl. I wonder if I would have learned to be happy sooner.