"More than a stunning debut. It is the announcement of a bold new literary voice"
—Stephen Chbosky, author of The Perks of Being a Wallflower

It’s been so long since you’ve been gone, but it feels just like yesterday that you were here. I remember when I first saw your movie, “Uptown Girls” where you co-stared with Dakota Fanning. It seems so weird seeing you in that now. You were the daughter of a deceased rock star and his wife. Your character, Molly, didn’t really grow up at all because, in a sense, her childhood was ripped from her. I can’t imagine having my childhood ripped from me. It would suck, but then I remember one scene in the movie where Molly tells Rae that she’s scared. I didn’t understand what she had meant when I was a little girl, but I do now. I understand how scary becoming an adult can be. I’ll never admit this to anyone else, but I can admit it to you. I’m scared to be an adult. I’m scared of moving on because when you move on you lose people. You lose friends and I don’t want to lose the people I have right now. They’ve been my family these four miserable years of high school. We’ve been through so much and I know that a few of them ... Read more

Things are getting so hard and it’s starting to feel like I don’t have a purpose anymore. I have no idea what to do with my life and I don’t even know if I’m gonna be able to graduate on time this year. I’m sorry, I know I let all of you down. You probably look at me from wherever you are and wish I wasn’t part of your family. I’m so alone. I don’t have any friends and I’m making myself stay in an emotionally abusive relationship because I don’t want to be more alone than I already am. I feel like I have no impact on anybody’s lives, there’s always somebody more important. I’m so sorry for the person I’ve become, I’m know I’m a disappointment. But please don’t forget that y’all still have such an important spot in my heart. I wish all of you could be here. I feel like things would be normal because I would have my childhood happiness back. I miss home so much. I love you.

It’s been 129 days without you, and it kind of sucks. Life sucks.

I’ve been thinking lately about how this could have been different. Like, maybe if I had more experience with loss and death and heartbreak, then losing you wouldn’t have hurt so much. Wouldn’t still hurt so much. But, who knows. Maybe it still hurts even after going through it millions of times.

I read “Love Letters to the Dead” because I thought it’d be something we’d make fun of after, but honestly, it’s pretty good. I can’t remember the last time I read a book.

Anyways, wherever you are, if you get the chance , I suggest reading the book. It’s a lot different than one would expect.

I wish things could of been different. I wish things didn’t go the way they did.

Life isn’t better without you.

I didn’t know you well. Actually, I didn’t know you at all. I heard about you. I’m so sorry about what happened. I hope you’re up there with God, just smiling and laughing away. It must be nice to know that everything is okay where you are. Not having to worry or be sad or mad or angry. I’m just gonna come out and say it. Cancer must suck.

Okay, so I wanted to talk not just about you,but you and me. I wanted to point out some of my flaws. I always have to make people feel bad about me. I’m always doubting and self-hating myself,too.

I hope to write to you soon, or in that case I hope I’m up there with you, soon.

Здравей, не знам как да започна, макар че искам да ти кажа доста неща. Мисля, че Благодаря е най-правилното. Благодаря! Благодаря, че се срещна и се запозна с мен. Благодаря, че стана час от живота ми и, че за толкова кратко време успя да ме промениш толкова много, да ме научиш на толкова мвого и да ми дадеш толкова много. Благодаря, че ме научи да гледам право в очите и да се наслаждавам, а не да се страхувам. Искам да ти кажа, че съм горда с това, че познавам човек като теб. Искам да знаеш, че те обичам и ще те обичам винаги.. по малко по-различен начин от всички останали. Липсваш ми мое синеоко момче!! 🙁 <3

We both know that you’re still not dead yet but however, you’re the one who told me that whenever I want to tell someone something, I should try it writing it in here so here you go. I just want to apologize for “avoiding” you lately. Well you see it’s not really like that but it somehow is because I can’t even look at you in the eyes for a long period of time :v I’m not mad at you or whatever. I just don’t have the guts to talk to you the way I did before. I don’t know if you would even care for this message but yeah, I just want to apologize for my behavior towards you these past few days.

I feel so cliché even writing this. But I feel like we’re the same person on a level. You get me. You’re so angry and so am I. Angry at my dad, angry at my mom, angry at everyone. Why do people leave Kurt? Do they not have any consideration for others? No empathy whatsoever? Things hurt. ALOT more than people realize. and hurt leaves a mark.

You are the reason for my being. You are the creator of my soul and personality. You are my best friend. If there was anything I could do to make you realize you were more loved than anybody I know, I’d do whatever it took to show you. I’m sorry you felt the need to go. And I’m sorry that you felt so alone and felt you had no other choice. It’s hard to forgive myself for not being the perfect daughter for you, but you were the most amazing mother anyone could have asked for. I still can’t imagine life without you but don’t worry about me. I was raised by the best. Happy trails. Until I see you again mom.