"More than a stunning debut. It is the announcement of a bold new literary voice"
—Stephen Chbosky, author of The Perks of Being a Wallflower

You may have been gone since 1/22/08 and i forgot that you have until i watched 10 Things I Hate About You on Netflix and fell in love with the movie and Patrick. So i looked up the cast and clicked on you. It said you died and then it hit me, i remember my mom telling me from seeing it on the news. I was 6 and you were 28, which is too young to die. After the realization you arent in any new movies i went through a small time of sadness and i mourned your death like it just happened. Then i watched the Dark Knight and praised the way you executed the Joker. You are my favorite Joker and that is one of my favorites but 10 Things I Hate About You will always be my #1 and i finally purchased the movie!! Then i watched A Knights Tale which was funny and made me laugh at the characters and your acting was great as always. I want to see Lords of Dogtown so badly because you played Skip and its about skateboarding which seems good. I havent seen any of your other movies ... Read more

So far you probably know that I keep on coming here to this site to write you a letter, whenever I feel too desperate and sad because of you, that I feel like nothing else is going to work. I feel like this is somehow your email to heaven and that if I write here, you can actually read it. Whenever I feel so low because of what happened and I sit in my room at night, feeling like I’m going to explode, I come here. This is my instand therapy. It always helped so far. Even though I haven’t written you in a while, that doesn’t mean I’m okay. I’m just shut down. And tonight is so hard, because I realized that today would have been your birthday. Shock. And then I went through some pictures and made it all even worse. I miss you. Even though I don’t even know what I miss. That’s what makes it harder probably. I’ve started therapy also, been there three times so far, and I’m so happy I’m doing it. I have the perfect therapist, and she always gives me hope. I wish you could have seen here. I would so very much ... Read more

Hey, uncle. Whoever you are or wherever, I believe it is my time to say something to a now-entity-and-contrarily-rotting-of-a-flesh dead man. I knew your name, but I forgot. I wish we knew each other better, but I’m glad we didn’t. I’m too messed up. You know, problems and stuff. You’re the only dead person I’m related to, by blood. And I sure hope you’re the only one. I’m sure there were others, but I wasn’t born early enough to even know their existence. I would love to talk good things, like how I’m doing good, or how I lived this far in my damned life. I wish I could lie about that but, to me it seems dazing and probably a little confusing to think how I badly want to live and to live good, and how I’d rather have myself killed than live a fucked up life. I guess that would be bullshit, and selfish. There are people who loves me even when I’m shitty, people who take me as someone of relevance to this pathetic spherical ball of land and sea. It is very disturbing that I’m sending these words to a grown dead man who wouldn’t have understood me ... Read more

I miss you so much. I told you that I was worried you were going to die if you didn’t take better care of yourself, that it would break me… you promised me this was the year and you were doing your best…. and you were… and then you died. It’s been 4 months without you and I’m so scared that there’s nothing after death. That everything you were and suffered for your entire life, was for nothing. I’m scared daddy.

Assalam Walaikum, I hope Ya Allah (SWT) has answered our prayers and has placed you in heaven and has forgiven your sins. We are all ok on Earth. Dad would cry sometimes at your absence, sometimes me too but then Allah (SWT) did what’s best. It has been 4 years since your death and we still mourn. What would life be like right now if you were alive? Would you be living with us here in England? Or would you still be in Bangladesh?

Grandma and Uncle are here with us in England. You have 3 grandsons named Salman, Tariq and Ayaan (your sons’ and daughter’s sons). Your daughter’s mother-in-law passed away last year. All these things have happened. Would it have made a difference if you were here?

Who knows…………….

Yesterday, it was the third anniversary of your death, Bubu, my dear late female guinea pig since 30th June 2014. Your resting place was covered with a lot of grasses included Bobbi’s one. Honestly, I felt very sad because I cannot celebrate Aidilfitri together this year. I just want to wish you guys that I love you very much. I lost all of you because you guys were very sick which I cannot bear it. Never mind, Bobbi and Bubu as I let you guys to afterlife where you can meet a lot of friends and food there. Bobbi, please take care your little sister, Bubu there. I should end my writing here. I hope that we will meet again and united back in afterlife by God’s will. Enjoy your life there, Bobbi and Bubu.

In Memoriam of Bobbi and Bubu.

You had to go to early. I wanted you to be the one, who brings me to the altar, when I get married one day. I think it’s my fault that you’re dead. If we visited you the weekend before you died, you probably wouldn’t be dead. I love you and I miss you. I cry a lot if someone show me things that reminds me of you. If I start playing the piano I play the song you showed me once at first. Dad, are you on a better place where you are right now? Do you have any pain? I hope you and Beethoven are talking about the symphonies he wrote. You liked his music very much. And I hope you and the woman you loved and the child what wasn’t born before she died in an car accident before you married mom are living together. I hope you’re good, there where you are. I love you and I miss you.

Hi, dad’s dad! I know you’re somewhere I couldn’t wish to imagine, and I do not know if you’re in a good place but I do hope you are. You are a bad bad father, I just wanted you to know that, but your children have grown quite unlike you, so cheers to that. I’m sure you have made a good portion of difference on their lives, only it was short they can’t even remember. If you’re in heaven now, do know your children suffered hell here on Earth when you passed away. I’m your grandson, actually one of many of your grandsons. Some are living the good life, some dropped out of school, some are toddlers, but all of whom remembers nothing of you. I’ve seen your pictures, you and grandma. She is quite well, by the way. Gray and old, but well. Now, I have no idea why I’m writing to you . Might be because you’re the only dead person I know, or because I need you to watch over me. Don’t watch me right now, though. My father is getting a bit of a headache because I don’t really know if he cares about ... Read more

Hello! It’s your granddaughter! How are you guys doing up there? I hope you guys are doing great. Anyways, Happy Eid Al-Fitr! Sometimes,I wish you guys are here to celebrate it with us. But it’s okay, I hope you guys got to see us from above, we are still having fun. Your children, grandchildren are all doing great! I’m doing okay too, except I’m a little bit stressed out because my exams are coming soon. Most of your grandchildren are working, you know! 3 of them are married!! Times flies so fast. I’ll be 18 soon. However, this year’s Raya is a little different. Day 1 was a little bit dull for me, I have no idea why though. Day 2 was much better, I managed to talk to some of my cousins eventhough I’m an introvert and an awkward person. I had fun in day 2. Grandpa and grandma, yesterday I went back to The Place. Every time I am there, I can’t help it but to think back the sweet memories I had with you guys. I miss you guys. A lot. But it’s okay, God loves you guys more than I do. I still don’t ... Read more

I know you don’t know me… or my twin sister because You died a month after you married Mom and she never got to tell you that she was pregnant with us, but anyways I wanted to telll you that Mom misses you. She still drives that precious car of your around and repeatedly plays your music CDs. I think she’s hoping the rev of the engine will reach your ears up in heaven and tell you that she loves you. Avery and I grew up listening to Mom tell us stories of how you guys met when you were really young and she never left your side. She told us how she loved you since before she knew what the word meant and that it turned out you felt the same way. We thought it was the greatest love story ever. When we were four Mom said she drove us halfway across the United States to your hometown so she could take us to meet you. I don’t know how but I remember me and Avery tracing your name on the headstone with our little fingers. Mom said she felt you there with ... Read more