"More than a stunning debut. It is the announcement of a bold new literary voice"
—Stephen Chbosky, author of The Perks of Being a Wallflower

I never knew you. Not in the sense a lot of people did. We were not close; I don’t even remember the last time I talked to you. Maybe that’s why I don’t understand why your death hangs above me like a cloud that never rains. It’s just blocking the light and it’s always dark around me. And the funny part is that when I go outside I can see the sun over everyone’s head but it’s just me who sees my cloud of sadness.

It’s been a week since I found out about you and it’s still there. That’s the problem with me, you know? I feel too much. I feel the pain of you mother and your father and your little brother. I can feel them waiting for you to come out of your room. I can feel the pain of your friends who are still waiting for you to pick up the phone. I can feel your little brother asking your mom about when you’re coming back home.

I was sitting on the first bench of my classroom talking to someone when I heard about you and the first thing, the first thing that came to my mind ... Read more

I know I just wrote to you, but I need to let this out before I lose my mind. Why, why did you chose to go instead of stay. Why’d you leave me. All these years I’ve tried to be happy, but I’m falling apart. My pain shows inside and out. I don’t know what to do anymore. You should be her, see me go on my first date, meet my boyfriend, see me get married, help raise my kids. But instead you left. I don’t know who I am anymore, I guess I left when you died. I’m broken, because of you. I love you, but did you ever think what would happen to me, the little girl who traveled home expecting you to be ok. I walked into the house, a smile on my face, but when I saw Nonna’s face, all I could do was cry. I cried for days, then weeks, now….for years. I miss you so much that my chest burns. I needed you, I still do. All I ask, is why….why you chose death over life.

Its going to be 4 years since you left me. I still cant seem to let you go, and each year without you gets harder. I finally found someone I can trust, his name is Erik. You would have liked him. he has always been there for me….and he plans n always being with me. I still rather be spending my nights talking to you. I miss your minty smell, your tattooed arms, your big hugs, and the way you always quoted Rudolph when Clarise calls him cute. I no watch NCIS all the time, its my way of knowing that part of you is still here. I loved you…I love you, so much, I wish I could have another day, moment that I could share with you. I want to say my goodbye, hug you one more time, let you know how much I love you. I wish you would have never asked them to discharge you, you could have gotten better, still been here. Sometimes I still sense your presence, here weird voices. Ill find random things of your in places they weren’t before. I know your still here, somewhere…but do you care enough to come back to ... Read more

So much left to say. Your death was just like a black hole. A curse. Devouring my whole universe. Everytime I hear a crazy story, I think of you. Every randomly made up word reminds me of you. Five years ago I heard you say – I am dying soon, so take care of you. One year later – the same thing happened. The third time everyone was just tired of your announcement. You told about your life and we told about ours. I never realized how much you really meant to me – of course you were a part of my beloved family. But sometimes I thought you would be just … there for all of us. Forever. You would be there on my wedding day, you would tell me my boyfriend isn’t good enough for me and you would see my first child. But you didn’t even survived my 15th birthday. People die when they’re old. That’s life and if people wouldn’t, no one could live on this planet anymore. You had the blessing to get old. I had the blessing to see you once every week for 15 years. And that’s nice – isn’t it? Now I ... Read more

It has been more than a week that you guys leave us behind in this world. Bobbi, my lovely guinea pig died on Thursday, 12th January 2017 and Abah, my beloved grandfather passed away on Friday, 13th January 2017. At first, I felt very hard to accept their departure to heaven where good people live there. Eventually, I let them go to set off their souls to continue their journey to afterlife. Bobbi left us at a veterinary clinic after he had been admitted for one day. I had buried him in our garden and marked his grave with some beautiful stones. On the next day, I stayed with Abah until his last breath when his life support machines were turned off during withholding, withdrawal therapy at night. When my grandfather passed away at 9.20 p.m., I saw them walking together happily. Oh God, what a grateful gift that you gave me to see them before they disappeared themselves. We, my family buried him in a cemetery nearby his house. Bobbi and Abah, I miss you very much because I will not able to see you for eternity. I hope you have a better place there. ... Read more

I miss you so much and I can’t believe it has been over six years since you have passed away. You left us to soon and its been super hard on everybody. I try to be happy cause I know that’s what you would have wanted but I break down so much on the inside. I will never be the same again. I was mad at you for the longest time because i didn’t understand why you would just leave me. We are family and you changed all of our lives forever. I didn’t think you loved us anymore because if you did you wouldn’t have left us especially me. I just wish I got to say a proper goodbye and you wouldn’t have had to leave so soon. I just read this book for my English project and I fell in love with it. It made me think of you so much. I wish you were here to see me grow up and do amazing things. I wish I could talk to you about so many things but I can’t. I dont really talk to dad that much, he calls every once in a while. It’s always so awkward ... Read more

I love and miss you so much. I learned to let go, and I did. I feel so much better. I don’t grief or get angry anymore. I learned that even though you are gone, you will always be in my heart here. Holding on to a pain won’t help anyone heal. My heart is happy now. Thank you E for everything. I love and miss you.

I wasn’t alive when you were but i love your music and your story

So I know you’re not actually dead. In a figurative way though you are to me. You betrayed me. You let me believe I could trust you and I did. Truth is I miss you. I miss the relationship we used to have. You were the only person I felt like I could truly tell anything to. I miss all the weird crazy stuff we did together. I miss never spending a weekend alone because I had you right down the street from me. I miss being able to call you in the middle of the night when I felt scared. I miss watching Are You The One with you. I miss planning to get our first apartment together. I miss doing so many things with you and I know it can never be that way again. I know it’s not all your fault when it comes to the tear in the relationship. It was your mom’s when she lied about what she was doing to me and her letting her sister put them lies about me and my family on facebook about me, but you did play a part in it. You started telling everyone my secrets. Things I’m ... Read more

I dont know anything about the rock stars or the rock music, bit i love you and nirvana i oove your story