"More than a stunning debut. It is the announcement of a bold new literary voice"
—Stephen Chbosky, author of The Perks of Being a Wallflower

To be honest I didn’t really know you for a long time. I was just starting to get to know you when 2016 took you from us. When I was younger I could not stand movies that evolved space but over the last year I really took a liking to doctor who and now one of my favorites : Star Wars. In the past year you have become my idol and everything I aspire to be. And just today I got the news that you had passed, and I’m sitting in my bathroom right now crying because I am tired of loosing things I love. When I love someone or something, I love with everything in my heart. I didn’t want you gone, if love could have saved you, you would have lived forever. It’s strange… almost foreign to me, that you look up to someone and then remember that they don’t even know you exist. Thank you for being Princess Leia and being my idol, may the force be with you.

Merry Christmas!!! Huh? I don’t feel as cheery as I was awhile ago… Lol… Anyway… It’s Christmas again and it’s the fifth time ever that you’re not here to celebrate christmas with us. Five years of sucking it up… Can you believe that? There are so many thoughts in my head right now that it would be possible for me to write those all down and make it to a novel. I can’t stop thinking… I worry too much now that it’s christmas. It’s like something might happen again just like before… We had traumatic experiences in christmas… Honestly… I’m not sure if I’m excited or pessimistic about christmas. All we do now is go to reunions and be awkward around people… I really hope we get to meet our niece again, although I’m worried about our brother getting mad. Why does our life have to be so complicated? Even before when you were alive, our life was complicated. It was hard to truly open up to people… I feel really mixed up today… I don’t know if it’s an anxiety attack or just me being dramatic? I hope I’m not dramatic. Why am I talking to you? I shouldn’t ... Read more

I miss you so much. I’ve been having you on my mind all the time. I feel quite lost without you. You loved and still loves me unconditionally. And I’ve been missing that kind of love. I just miss your presence, everything about you. I still wish you were here.

I always feel like I haven’t done enough for you. You know i showed you how much I love you everytime I can.

I’ll always miss and love you so much.

How are you doing? It’s been a while since we last met each other, but have been thinking about you quite often recently. Can you remember the little eight-year-old girl who was absolutely in love with your cakes and pies and who could spend the whole day playing with your old neclases and earrings? Well, things have changed a bit since then. It’s my first year of high school now. I started attending the dancing classes. I started waring heels. Trying cooking and baking. Having long hair. Doing my make up. Thinking about boys. And you know what? I think you would be proud of me if you could see me. Knowing this is something which gives me some kind of hope when I feel down. Everything’s okay. I’m sure you would love me the most just the way I am. Thank you for all the love you have ever given to me. I couldn’t realize it before, but hopefuly I do now. Thank you for being the best grandma I could ever have. P.S. I still keep those wedding glowes you gave me. And I’m going to wear them when my big day comes. I promise. Endless love yours

I’m writing to you more often than usual these days. I think this is really helping me a lot. I thought twice before writing another letter since I don’t wanna look like a copy cat. But I’m writing to you anyway because I want to and these letters are too private for anyone to know that I wrote these. I’ll keep my name anonymous for the time being.

Anyway, straight to the point. I met my best friend today in the mall (the mall was crowded as hell by the way), she was with other people, but I didn’t mind. I didn’t want to converse with people since I barely knew them and I mostly wanted to spend time with my best friend. She knows what I’ve been going through and is scared to death of me committing suicide. She gave me these notebook filled with so much encouraging words and heartwarming thoughts, that it was enough for me to be scared of committing suicide. From that point I was afraid of leaving people behind, although it didn’t complete rid the thought of suicide in my head. It won’t rid my anxiety completely, but hopefully it will ... Read more

Hey Blondie, I kinda miss you, like I admit it. Me writing this letter to you is hypocritical of my part you know? Cause I know that what I really want is admit a few things to myself, but Wellington, never mind (Nevermind haha). Well, at first, I want to say what you meant to me and my life, you were the first guy I’ve ever like, so believe me, you meant a lot (still meaning) cause you know, my life suddenly became something that really turned around you and what you liked, cause I wanted to impress you, I wanted you to like me, and then I found out that tou did like me, oh my god I was so happy. After this, we talked a lot, and how much more I knew you, more I liked you. And finally, after really meet eachother, we kissed. Was my distribuição kiss, and was good, I was soooo happy and soooo in love with you boy, you have no ideia. And after that everything that was doing so well, suddenly fell apart. You disappeared, didn’t talked to me anymore, no texto, no calls, and I was freaking out already, ... Read more

When you saw the light while you were at that operating table, did you ever stop to think that were leaving so many people behind? Did you just go for it like a moth and didn’t think twice what that was or anything? How is it up in heaven? I bet it’s great. You’re up there not feeling any pain, not feeling worry, while we’re all down here wallowing and enduring the pain of being alive. Does God ever tell what’s happening to the family you left behind?

I don’t like being mad at you. I stopped praying at night because of you. The only memories in my head that I have of you is was when you were laying lifeless in the coffin. At your funeral I was too afraid to look at you. Although when they let me take a peak at you, I hoped that you would just jump up and laugh and tell us that it was all just some sick joke. I would rather go through a sick joke than reality. Every time that I tried to look at you in that coffin, I wanted you to move. I considered even breaking the glass and ... Read more

Are you doing well up there? I hope you are. It’s your granddaughter, we never met before but I heard stories about you from your son, my father. I think you are really cool and awesome, grandfather! Even if I never met you before, can I still miss you? I can right? I miss you grandfather. So, a little update for you okay? Your children are doing well, I think. But sometimes, they tend to distant themselves from each other. However, Your youngest son is still keeping his promise for you, to never break the family bond. I hope you are proud, he’s trying his best! He’s a great father, you know! I look up to him alot. My father achieved his dream and goal, now it’s my time to achieve mine. But sometimes, it’s sad, grandfather,my father is trying so hard to bond everyone but there are people who doesn’t want to, they prefer to isolate themselves. But what matters is effort and love right? By showing love and effort, perhaps one day they will want to be close with each other. Now, grandma? She’s doing well. Except, I think she’s a little sad that some of her children ... Read more

Hello, grandpa. I miss you alot. I hope you are well up there. I hope grandma is doing well too. You and grandma have been looking after me and my family from there right, grandpa? Anyways, I’m just writing to you because I miss you and sometimes I wish you were still here. I’m sure you will be proud of me to see how grown up I am. In 2 days, it will be my examination results. It determines on my future, grandpa. If you were still here, I’m sure you’ll pray for me so that I’ll do well right? And you will also advise me on not to worry too much because I tried my best. Your daughter told me that too. Mom is trying to not be worry about it but I’m sure she is worry like I am. I hope I did well on my exams. I love you, grandpa. Take care over there okay? Tell grandma I said hi too. I love you alot.

I know you’re not part of this and maybe you’re not even dead, maybe you are now just a grown man with kids and even grandchildren but I feel you’ll understand better. I tried, I really did, not to be like you but at the end it wasn’t up to me, my brain doesn’t work all that well and I have no control over that but I’ve been trying to make a few thing differently now. I’m trying to get out of this zone I’m always in, I still haven’t had the chance of actually leave it but now I guess I get peaks of the outside and It looks so beautiful but beautiful on way that is also scary, like a porcelain doll. I made a promise of living beyond what people expect, now they’re letting me drive but you can still see at the back of their eyes that fear of me crashing on purpose again (seriously, I won’t, whenever I feel like that I simply walk) but it’s a huge step, not for me but for them, they are trusting in me again and that’s a lot. Yesterday I had a rough night, but I guess I ... Read more