"More than a stunning debut. It is the announcement of a bold new literary voice"
—Stephen Chbosky, author of The Perks of Being a Wallflower

I have never ever meet you and i hope it’s all good with you. But all i have ever heard of you and seen of you it seems like your a really nice, kind and funny person. I really adore you and you are a rolemodel for me. My parents doesn’t like it when i talk about you because i talk about you too much. They don’t care that much when i talk about you because they think i’m crazy. But i think i’m not. But i’m just in love for once.

I never got to meet you even before i was born because you went away too fast.. I just want to thank you for being an incredible father to my mom and always being there for her when she needs you. Mom told me good things about you but sadly, you passed away even before i was born into this world. I wonder what it would be like if you are still alive right now. Even though i didn’t get to meet you, i just want to say that i love you and i know that you are in a better place in heaven now. You are watching me from above and protecting me from the bad people around me. Grandfather, i will always love you.

I remember after you died I had to go clean up your house. There were so many memories for my Mother and my Grand mother in that house. I didn’t know you had pancreatic cancer until after you died. But when I was helping out my mother and grandmother fix up the house, I saw how upset they were getting rid of some of the old memories that have been in that house since the early 1900’s. I decided to keep one of your shirts. I still wear it to bed sometimes when it’s really cold. And your favorite recliner is at my uncles house, all fixed up. The children love it. And every year the family walks the Pancreatic cancer walk for you. But we also had to let the house go, but we kept what mattered most. I wish there was something we could’ve done, but the family misses you, even if some did try to take your money. I love you.

burn in hell, i hope you’re suffering right now. i don’t care if i loved you once. I realised you weren’t worth the heartache you caused me and i’m glad you were miserable.

I know this is kind of weird ( I mean, your a cat. You can’t read) but I felt like you were an important part of my life. I remember the day I heard you purring weird, and told my mom. Me being a child, she kinda just brushed it off. Months later, she noticed you purring weird and I remember telling her you were purring and you were fine. The next day, on your vet visit, you were diagnosed with a rare heart disease in cats. You always wore kind of a smile on your face and stuck your little tounge out. Years later, you are still remembered as the “nice cat” (considering Breyer was always, and still is, kind of a jerk) and we all still love you. Rest in peace, Sammie Sam.

On that Christmas morning many years ago, I had no idea what was going on. I remember Mama saying that you had been feeling bad lately and she really wanted you to go to a doctor. I remember putting all of my new toys into a trash sack so I could play with them on the way to the hospital. In the parking lot of the hospital, I remember Mama saying that you looked pale, and I asked her what it meant, and that was how I learned the meaning of the word. I remember seeing all the Christmas decorations inside, and how it made me feel sad, thinking about how some people have to spend their Christmas in a hospital. I remember that I broke one of my dolls, messed up her dress, or something to that extent, and I became upset. The next few months after that, I had no idea that you had cancer, I just knew that you were really sick. I don’t think I found out until I was 10 or 11, and I didn’t know that you had pancreatic cancer until a couple of years later. I just recently found out that ... Read more

Winter is always the hardest time of year for me. I miss you around the holidays, then your birthday happens in late January, followed by the anniversary of your death in early February. This year will mark 22 years since you’ve been gone.

I finished reading a book this morning called Love Letters to the Dead. There were so many moments in this book that were synchronous with my own experience of losing you that I thought you must have had some influence over my finding it. I wish it had existed in 1994. Do you remember that Aladdin was the last movie we saw together?

It has taken me a long time to learn that resenting your lost future, our shared future, is not the way to honor you or myself. I have such vivid memories of you, and even though half of them challenge my insistence on your perfection, I am grateful that you were real to me. And I carry you with me always.

I’ve written about you many times, but it feels appropriate to share a recent poem here: http://firstdraftfromtheheart.blogspot.com/2013/06/primacy-v-recency.html.

I love you, Sissy Jenny

La verdad que me gusta mucho tu musica. Hace poco que te conosco (dos semanas) Si no fuera por el libro “Love letters to the dead” nunca hubiera buscado el album In Utero (que se convirtio en mi favorito) y hubiera escuchado tu musica. Para Navidad me regalaron 2 remeras de Nirvana que adoro (ahora llevo una). Amo una frase tulla que es “Se rien de mi por que soy diferente, yo me rio de ellos por que son todos iguales” hace varios meses, habia leido esa frase en una historia fanficion de un youtuber en Wattpad y la puse en mi habitacion. Yo creo que si vieras a tu hija, Frances (si no mal recuerdo su nombre era ese) estarias super orgulloso de ella. Sinceramente no tengo mucho mas que decir, el otro dia me di cuenta que cumples años el mismo dia que mi hermana… Sea donde sea que te encuentres, en otra vida, en un objeto, en una planta, en el cielobo donde sea, quiero que sepas que te quiero (aun que es 99% imposible que leas esto). Quien sabe? Por ahi aunque sea una chica yo soy vos, es decir vos reencatnaste en mi. Tienes un ... Read more

La verdad que me gusta mucho tu musica. Hace pocl que te conosco (dos semana) Si no fuera por el libro “Love letters to the dead” nunca hubiera buscado el album In Utero (que se convirtio en mi favorito) y hubiera escuchado tu musica. Para Navidad me regalaron 2 remeras de Nirvana que adoro (ahora llevo una). Amo una frase tulla que es “Se rien de mi por que soy diferente, yo me rio de ellos por que son todos iguales” hace varios meses, habia leido esa frase en una historia fanficion de un youtuber en Wattpad y la puse en mi habitacion. Yo creo que si vieras a tu hija, Frances (si no mal recuerdo su nombre era ese) estarias super orgulloso de ella. Sinceramente no tengo mucho mas que decir, el otro dia me di cuenta que cumples años el mismo dia que mi hermana… Sea donde sea que te encuentres, en otra vida, en un objeto, en una planta, en el cielobo donde sea, quiero que sepas que te quiero (aun que es 99% imposible que leas esto). Quien sabe? Por ahi aunque sea una chica yo soy vos, es decir vos reencatnaste en mi. Tienes un ... Read more

You have left me in a world of war and death, yet you have shown me that there is light in every shadow. Mum and dad miss you dearly, you were like their son. Simon is still dating Baz, they’ve come out now!! Yay! I’m writing to you so that you may know that we still miss you greatly. You were my best friend, my brother, and my partner in crime. I’m still stirring up trouble, but it’s hard without you there. I hope that you’re doing okay.